Devan and Alex Steele Family

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time

2012-02-15T11:07:00.002-07:00

This is going to be a long post. It's been hanging over my head, preventing any more recent blogging for a month and a half, so here it is. As quickly as I can, this was our Christmas season...

We went to the Festival of Trees with my mom.

And saw Santa.

Devan was there too, but I preferred to pretend to be a single mom to see if I could get any sympathy or money. I got neither.

We did get a free clown nose though, so that's almost as good as money.

Kids in Christmas clothes!

We made salt dough ornaments. I was too lazy to hang them on the tree.

Josh had fun along with the rest of us.

Ben tried over and over to eat the dough. It never seemed to taste as good as he would have liked it to.

Joshua quickly grew bored of us.

We went to Devan's company Christmas party at Famous Daves. We enjoyed the food.

We opened presents with my Mom and Aunts. I didn't take any pictures. Kory bought them these Santa outfits.

We headed to Utah and spent a couple of days with Chad and Ashley and Steph and Xay.

I miss that little boy so much I can't stand it sometimes.

The kids had so much fun together.

We had a 3, 2, 1, and 0 year old all in the same house for 2 whole days. What could be more fun?

Sunday night we had a Christmas dinner and then Aubrey came over and we stayed up way too late baking. By "we" I don't mean I did any baking. I just sat. And it was great. I've missed Ashley's almost all nighters.

We got all the cousins together for a picture for Nana (and because I really, wanted one.) 7 kids, 5 of whom were under 4. So fun and so crazy.

We took lots and of course very few had everyone looking at the camera.

This was going to be the one.

And then I did a little work on this one and...

Voila! Aren't they just the most beautiful group of kids you've ever seen?

I was especailly excited to get to meet our new little neice Sarea. She is 3 weeks and 3 days older than Joshua and I love her. I so wish that they were going to be able to grow up together.

We stayed at Kevin and Dawn's house for the rest of our trip. They just bought a house so they had a guest room for us to stay in. I dream of the day I will one day have a guest room. We had so much fun. Our kids loved playing together all week. We also got to go on a girl's night with Nicole Fish. I only go out with friends without my kids once or twice a year and I always have so much fun and wish I could convice myself to get out more often. We went to the mall and for dessert at The Chesecake Factory. It felt like we were in Jr. High again!

Christmas Eve we went to Nicole Steele's house for a breakfast dinner and ping pong. We had so much fun.

Before bed, Ben and Hannah got to open their birthday pajamas. This was something my mom always did for us and I wanted to continue. But we got home late and I hadn't wrapped them yet and the kids were tired. Devan tried to just give the kids their pajamas, not wrapped, and then I got sad. I think I was just tired. This is the second year in a row we've been traveling on Christmas, and I felt like I hadn't been able to start any of the traditions I wanted for our family. I started getting the kids ready for bed, and then without me realizing it, Devan snuck out and wrapped the pjs. I was so grateful. It was the first present that Ben opened all by himself and the kids were really excited about them. It was a nice moment with our family in the midst of all our running around making merrry.

We had to wake up at 6:30 the next morning so the kids could open their stockings and then we get to Nana and Papa's house for breakfast and church. The kids were a little hard to wake up.

Church was wonderful. Then we went back to Nana and Papa's and hung out until everyone came for Christmas dinner.

Then we opened presents...

Nana made monkeys for all the bigger kids!

A few days after Christmas, the kids all got into the leftover wrapping paper. We just laughed and took pictures. They all had so much fun together, it was hard to leave.

We stayed in Utah for 3 days after Christmas. We shopped and ate and visited. I had so much fun I felt guilty. It was like a real vacation. But by the time it was time to go home I was ready. We did the trip all in one day and it felt so good to get home.

Books I read in 2011 - September through December

2012-01-02T13:03:00.001-07:00

What a wonderful year of reading this has been. As geeky as I know this sounds, my books gave me something to look forward to on so many of my hard days last year.

September

I finished the Hearts of the Children Series. I love this series so much!

October

I read the Wizard of Oz in one evening. It was a fun book. It made me want to read all the Oz books, but I think there are about 15 and, although they are probably all quick reads, I have too many other series I'm in the middle of.

Wicked was not my favorite book I read this year. It had a lot of sex in it and it was pretty dark. However, when it was over I found myself missing the characters.

I read Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way a couple of weeks before I gave birth. I was worried it was going to be too little too late, but I drew upon some of the things I learned while I was in labor. It was especially helpful to learn about the different emotional signposts of labor. I'd think, "Well, I'm still smiling and laughing. I know that means I have a long way to go still."

I loved The Help. I knew that I would. There were some disturbing scenes, but everything turned out alright enough in the end.

November

I loved The Two Towers even though I had a hard time getting through it. My mind wandered a lot during the descriptive paragraphs, but I love this story. I love Sam. He reminds me of my husband.

Oh how I love Percy Jackson. We really didn't enjoy the Lightening Thief movie, so I didn't expect much from the books, but they are so fun. Devan and I both flew through them. They inspired me to brush up on my Greek mythology too, so that's a bonus.

Magpie and Dilly is the first in a spin-off series and it's a prequel to the Buggy Crenshaw books. My aunt Mickey writes these books and this was definitely the best one yet. I loved the characters and loved the ending.

After reading the prequel I had to reread the first Buggy Crenshaw book. I enjoyed it so much more having just read so much background on it.

December

I like to read Pride and Prejudice at Christmas time. I think I've read it 5 times. This year I decided to do something different and read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It's the original book, with extra zombie scenes thrown in. It was, of course, not as good as the original, but I did much prefer how Lydia and Wickham ended up in the end.

And of course, A Christmas Carol. I love this story so much. It makes me want to be kinder and more understanding. It makes me grateful for my family even if we have a tiny home.

Welcome 2012!

2012-01-01T23:49:00.002-07:00

I am excited for this new year! 2011 was a hard year for me. I was pregnant for most of it and tired and stressed for almost all of it. Not this year! Our "joke" new year's resolution is no pregnancies in 2012. If I make it to the end of the year, it will be the first year since 2006 that I haven't spent part of pregnant.

My goals for 2011 were to watch less TV, spend less money, and increase my knowledge. I watched far less TV in 2011. At the end of 2010 I don't think I very often went a day without watching TV or a movie and most days I watched TV for a couple of hours. Now I'd say I watch TV 3 times a week on average and I don't think I very often watch for more than an hour. Now if I could just quit the internet too.

I did not spend less money. I probably spent more money in 2011 than ever before. But on the bright side, we made more money this year than ever before.

I'm happy with the amount of reading I did this year. At the beginning of the year I made a goal to read at least 4 worthwhile books in 2011. I read 39 books this year. I can't say that they were all the most important books ever written, but I can say that I learned something from each one of them and each one changed me a little bit.

I have so many goals for this new year. I'm so excited to be getting my energy back after a very hard pregnancy. I want to be so much better than I am. I want to be better about making bread and cloth diapering. I want to sew more and learn how to make quilts. I want to dress better and do my hair and wear jewelry more often. I want to play with my kids more and not worry about the house being messy. I want to go to bed every night with my dishes done, laundry folded, floors vacuumed, and garbages emptied. I want to spend quality time with my husband after my kids go to bed. I want to go to sleep earlier and get up earlier. I want to let Devan have more time to do what he wants and I want to spend less time doing what I want and I want to not be bitter about it. I want to teach Hannah to read. I want to stop putting so much pressure on Hannah and let her enjoy being little. I want to find enough time to devote to Ben that I won't feel guilty that he's the middle child. I want to enjoy my Joshua while he's a baby and not rush though these days. I want to banish these 30 pounds of baby weight. I want to replace all my household products with natural, homemade alternatives. I want to learn how to make my own soap. I want to go back to school. I want to spend less money. I want to buy a house. I want to make friends. I want to be a good friend. I want to be gentler and kinder to myself. I want to learn how to accept myself the way I am and now feel like I need to be perfect today.

My goals are too many and contradictory. I don't know what 2012 will bring, but I want to end this year better than I am today.

My work at narrowing down and focusing my goals has brought me to these 4:

1. I'm going to do 100% of my visiting teaching this year. Even if it's just a phone call or a note on their door, I'm not going to let a month go by without letting the women that are assigned to be know that they are loved.

2. I'm going to be healthier. I want to stop eating so much flour and sugar. I don't know if that means by this time next year I'll only be eating sugar once a month, or once a week, or just have cut it down to once a day. How ever little I improve, I just want to be able to look back a year from now and know that I've improved.

3. I'm going to be more patient with my husband and children. They are the most dear things in this world to me and they are the ones I take out all my stress and frustrations and insecurities on. I've lately been looking back on some of the things that seemed hard to me when I was first married or first a mother. It seemed hard to get all the dishes done everyday or to find time to read a whole book or to take care of one little baby. These things seem easy to me now and it's just because I've practiced and practiced and practiced. I'm realizing that anything in life will get easier with practice. I'm hoping that this year as I practice faith, and love, and patience, it will become easy for me.

4. Make friends in Washington. Does that sound pathetic? Oh well. That's probably what I want the very most in my life right now. I had so much fun in Utah. There are so many people there that I miss and it made me realize that as much as I love my family, I will never be happy here until I can make some more friends.

November Field Trip

2011-12-06T00:33:00.000-07:00

For our November Preschool Field Trip we went to Northwest Trek. We had so much fun, but it was cold! It worked out that I didn't have to bring Ben, which made things a lot easier. He's just a little too young for Northwest Trek anyway.

The theme of the month of November was "Northwest Animals." During the tram ride Hannah kept saying she had antlers. I'm pretty sure she learned that in school.

The antler moments were possibly the only happy parts of the tram ride. She spent the whole time whining and crying that Teacher Nancy wasn't in the same car as us. I told her that there were too many people to fit in one car so some people had to ride in the second car. She cried and said, "But there's an empty seat right there!"As soon as the ride was over, she ran up ahead of me and grabbed Teacher Nancy's hand and held it tight.

I think preschool has been so good for her. She loves her teacher so much. Sometimes I'm at home trying to get her to do something, like put on her coat and she says, "Cause Teacher Nancy wouldn't like it if I didn't wear a coat?" She wants so much to please Teacher Nancy.

I'm having such a hard time because she loves school and I think that the stability of preschool has been really good for her with everything that's been changing at home. But I don't know if I can keep up the demands of preschool. Sad, huh? I'm really debating taking her out of school.

The preschool is a co-op, which is really cool because it's parent run. The teacher is the only paid position and Nancy has been the teacher for many years. I was really excited to be involved in something that required so much parental involvement, but now that baby is here and my life is turned upside down, it's a little too much parental involvement.

We have to help in the class 2-3 times a month, getting there early to help set up the class and then cleaning up when class is over. This takes about 3 and a half hours total. And you're BUSY the whole time. So, with drive time, that's over 4 hours when it's not possible for me to feed Joshua. I felt like my chest was going to explode by the time I was done working last week. Younger siblings aren't allowed in the class because of insurance reasons. I've worked it out with another parent with a toddler to trade babysitting there in another room at the preschool, which will be great, but that means that I'm going to have to be at the school at least once a week for the rest of the year either as the parent helper, or watching the littlier kids. In addition to working in the classroom, we have 3 fundraisers a year that we have minimum amounts that we have to sell. We also have to have a committee position. Mine is working on our "fun fair" fundraiser in March, so work for that will begin in January. We're also affiliated with Bates Technical College, so we have to get "parent education credits." One way to get these credits is to go to parenting classes at Bates one evening a month.

I know that it might not sound like too much in terms of hours, 4 hours a week, plus 1 evening a month in class, plus any other committee and fundraising work, but for me right now, it's a lot. If Hannah was my youngest it might not be as big of a deal, but when I have two babies who can't walk downstairs, I feel like just leaving my third floor apartment is a big deal.

Ugh! I'm such a whiner. I want to do what's best for Hannah, but I also want to do what's best for me. I know that as mothers we need to take time to take care of ourselves, but I also know that sometimes we just need to suck it up and do what's best for our children. I don't know which time this is.

And then there are the little boys to think about. I had such a hard time nursing Ben and I think that it's because I tried to do too much too fast after he was born. I was always running around doing something, trying to push back his feeding time as long as I could. I don't want to do that to Joshua. I don't want to put the needs of one child over the needs of another. My midwife Charlene told me to really take it easy the first 6 months or so. She said with how anemic I was, my body needs lots of time to recover. She said recommended I don't accept any demanding callings and not to spend too much time driving all over the place. She said to think of taking care these 3 kids as my full-time job. She said that when women get busy and stressed, their milk supply tends to drop. This was a tough pill for me to swallow. I don't want to feel like I'm being lazy, the days when I don't have anything outside of the house to do, I stay in my pajamas all day and forget to bush my teeth. Haiving responibilities and appointments is good for me. But I also don't want to do so much that I'm exhausted and irritable all the time. But at the same time, I worry about Hannah getting the attention she needs. The babies take so much of my time and energy. I want her to have a place to go where she can learn and grow as a person.

I don't know what the answer is. I know that I need to pray about it, but I'm afraid to. I know I won't like whatever answer I get. I don't want to have preschool take up that much of my life, but I also don't want Hannah to have to leave her teacher and her friends. Ugh....this wasn't where this post was supposed to end up, but thanks for giving me the chance to vent.

Joshua

2011-11-27T23:57:00.001-07:00

Since we don't know much about Joshua yet, other than that he's beautiful, here are lots and lots of pictures of our sweet little "Joshy."

This is his "1 month" picture. I plan on doing one every month with his baby Tigger. This one was about a week late.

And now, pictures from the last few weeks...

2 weeks 5 days old

3 weeks 1 day

3 weeks 2 days. Hannah still hasn't kicked the binky-stealing habit. And yes, my children are STILL never fully dressed.

4 weeks

At the park.

3 weeks 6 days. At a checkup at our midwife, Charlene's house. He weighed in at 10 pounds 8 ounces.

4 weeks

4 weeks 2 days

4 weeks 4 days

4 weeks 5 days.

I love this boy so much. I don't know how I ever lived without him.

The Halls are Decked

2011-11-26T12:59:00.001-07:00

We decorated our tree the day after Thanksgiving this year. We wanted to be able to enjoy it for as long as possible. I have to say, I feel a little like a Grinch, but I love my fake tree so much. Before we had it, I'd stress every year about shelling out $40 for a live one and we'd put it off until the week before Christmas. Or, we wouldn't spend any money at all, and on December 23rd, we'd pull the tree our neighbor caught on fire out of the dumpster and display that in our home. True story - our first Christmas we were married.

Hannah was so excited! I love that she totally gets Christmas this year and she kept remembering and talking about things we did last year. All day yesterday and today she's been asking, "Is it still Christmas time?" She's been waiting for it for so long, I think she's scared it will be over quickly.

Devan told her to show us how excited she was. Not the best face she's ever made.

Mom, Kory, and Renee came over and I made my traditional, day-after-Thanksgiving soup. For any former roommates who remember my turkey soup, I can assure you, it's improved over the years.

Usually I'm so weird about decorating the tree. I want the ornaments all arranged perfectly. This year I didn't care at all. I just unpacked them and reminisced about where each ornament came from and I let the kids put them wherever they wanted. And, I haven't gone back and rearranged them when they weren't looking. The more busy and tired I get, the less of a control freak I am. I'm realizing that I like that version of myself better.

Hannah is fascinated by the nativity scene. Putting up the nativity scene was my job when I was a girl, too. She keeps getting in trouble for playing with them, but I'm already telling myself that I won't get mad at her when a piece gets broken. I won't, I won't, I won't. Just have to keep repeating it to myself.

After the tree was decorated, we made candy cane cookies. Actually, when I say "we," I mean everyone but me and Devan. He went to the store for fudge ingredients, and I went to work stringing lights around the living room. I have a great love for Christmas lights. Every year I want to hang them all over in the house, but Devan never lets me. He says doesn't want all the holes in the walls, but I think it's also the work of hanging them that he wants to avoid. So, I started hanging them while he was gone, and when he got home, he got impatient watching me and took over. I think I won all around there.

We put Ben in his high chair with his dough and he tried to roll out the dough. I love how he copies anything we do.

So cute, I could die!

After cookies we watched Elf and ate cookies. "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."

The finished product. These pictures were totally staged after the kids went to bed. If they're awake, the ornaments are scattered through every room in the house, and my living room floor is covered in a blanket of fake snow.

I love Christmas! Pulling out my decorations every year, as corny as it sounds, is like revisiting old friends. I love that Hannah loves Christmas so much too. She never wants us to turn off the lights. This morning she brought me over to the tree and wanted me to sit on the floor with her and just look at the Christmas tree. I love her.

And this is random, but also from our tree decorating day. You remember how I said she's been talking a lot about the babies she's going to have? This is her with a baby in her stomach.

Scary, huh?

Benjamin

2011-11-25T18:44:00.000-07:00

Ben is my easy child. Now that I have Joshua who is a little more work, I'm realizing that I just got really lucky with baby Ben. He really didn't cry much as a newborn. As I result, I think I didn't spend as much time with him as a baby as I did with Hannah and Joshua. I can remember sneaking away to feed him during church on Sundays and realizing that this was probably the only time all week I'd just sat and enjoyed my new baby. I think I'm still trying to make up for that.

Ben says no words. I read the other day that they are supposed to say about 5 words by 18 months, and Ben isn't quite 16 months yet, but I'm still getting anxious for him to talk. He understands everything we say. The other day he was playing with a bear of Hannah's that says a few phrases. When the bear said, "Give me a hug!" Ben gave it a hug!

He wants to be independent so badly. If I give him his dinner and forget a fork, he won't eat and motions to my fork until I get him one.

He is still a climber. Everyday I hear, "Mom! Ben's standing on the table again!" He knows he's not supposed to, too. He gets up there and when I scold him, he laughs and dances.

He loves his baby brother. Sometimes he gets too worked up and hits him, but then I tell him to be gentle and almost every time, he starts gently petting the baby.

He's going through a biting stage right now. Usually it's when something is frustrating him or when he gets too tired. I wish he would start talking so he could express himself better.

He wishes he was big like Hannah. He gets sad when we drop her off at preschool or nursery. He wants to play with all the toys and kids too.

Last week we went to the park while Hannah was at school. I think this was the first time in his life he'd gone to the park without Hannah. I was impressed that before he could even walk, he enjoyed going to the park. He would crawl up on the playground equipment and try to play with the other kids. This time at the park, he just wandered around and didn't really try to go on any of the toys. I had to keep picking him up and putting him on the slides. Then I realized that it was because he didn't have Hannah to follow around. He's lost without her.

He loves things like this at every park we go to. He likes to work with his hands and put things in their proper place.

Usually, Ben goes in this car with Hannah. He got in, and patted the seat next to him. I sat down and rocked with him for a couple of minutes. When I stood up, he patted the seat again and I sat back down. This probably happened 5 times.

A little girl who was 2 weeks older than Ben came a few minutes later and then he had more fun because he could follow her around. They climbed up the stairs and went down the slide and swung on swings together.

I love this little boy so much. He's such a fun little brother and such a sweet big brother. I love that I'm getting a little time with just Ben every week while Hannah is in school.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-24T23:16:00.001-07:00

What a wonderful day we've had. Devan described it as "hectic" but then I asked, "What day isn't hectic for us?" and he had to agree. We first went to my Uncle Randy's house to spend Thanksgiving with the Smith side of the family. It was a lovely, delicious dinner and we all had a wonderful time. Then later in the afternoon we went over to my mom's house and had a second Thanksgiving dinner with her side of the family. And of course, I had to eat a full dinner at both houses. It was all too wonderful to pass up.

I'm probably vain, but my favorite part of the day was how cute my kids were! I stayed up way too late for 3 nights making them turkey shirts to wear today. I love the way they turned out. I felt irresponsible staying up too late and not getting the sleep I need, but I was so tired of feeling like I was just doing the bare minimum in my life. It felt nice to do something a little extra for the holiday. And getting to sit and sew and watch TV all by myself for 3 nights was a luxury I haven't experienced much lately. I know that someday I'll get the hang of having 3 small children, but that day is not today. That day may not be until one of them is in school.

They look so awkward in this picture, but so cute!

I think he's crying because he thinks we're going to eat him. Not this year, buddy!

Great Grandma with baby Joshua

Ben's favorite part was the dip.

My cousin Holly, who will be having her own baby boy in 3 weeks!

Hannah's Thanksgiving dinner.

Ben's Thanksgiving dinner

Hannah and Aunt Dena.

My little turkey.

Hannah

2011-11-23T23:48:00.001-07:00

I love Hannah so much. I'm realizing more and more that she is my difficult child, especially now that I have Ben to compare. She's wild and refuses to listen to Devan or I. And she's very loud for such a small person. But she's also funny and cute and I know that the intestity that makes her hard to parent is also what gives her her amazing personality. Here are a few things that have impressed me about Hannah lately.

She is so smart. She picks up language without being taught. Yesterday she wrote "MOM" and brought it to me. I didn't tell her how to spell mom and they don't learn letters in preschool.

Then we went to the mall a couple of days ago and they had their big Christmas tree up. We walked into the mall and she said, "Hey! This is where I got my ears pierced!" She got her ears pierced last Thanksgiving weekend and afterwards we took her picture under that same Christmas tree. That was a year ago and she was only 2 and a half at the time, but she remembered.

Also, when I told her that Christmas is Jesus' birthday, she said, "We dressed Ben up like Jesus last Christmas!" Yes, we did. I think that's amazing that she can remember things from that long ago.

She's been talking a lot lately about when she grows up and has babies. I told her that when she's a mommy then I'll be a grandma. She figured out all on her own that if mommy and daddy are the grandma and grandpa, then grandpa and grandma will be great-grandpa and great-grandma. See what I mean? Smart kid! She also said, "When I have my own babies, will I be able to hold them standing up?" HA! Because we always make her sit down to hold Joshua.

Hannah loves Joshua so much, but she's had a hard time since he was born. For a couple of weeks she was being super naughty and throwing the biggest fits. And having potty accidents. Like 3 or 4 a day. She'd totally regressed. Then it hit me: Hannah NEEDS a ton of attention. It isn't just something that she likes to have, it's an actual need for her. Ben can play by himself forever, but Hannah needs to interact with us every few minutes. While I was pregnant, I'd turn a movie on for her every afternoon while Ben was napping and tell her that she didn't have to nap, but she had to lay on the couch and rest. Then I'd go take my rest. Lately, I maybe get 5 minutes alone while she is watching a movie until she's in my room talking to me. Finally I decided to give up on the afternoon nap and her behavior problems have gotten so much better. Now, no afternoon nap has been easy this week because Devan has been off work, so he's been getting up if Ben cries in the night and then wakes up with the kids and lets me sleep in. We'll see how next week goes when I'm back to being on my own.

Hannah's need for attention means she's a very social person. She loves to go play with other kids. Whatever she does, she wants someone to do it with her, even if it's just watching a movie. All day long lately she wants me to play either princesses or dinosaurs with her. Both games go the same, we each have a dinosaur (or a princess) and we make them talk to each other. It goes something like this:

Hannah: "Dinosaur?"
Me: "Yes, dinosaur?"
H: "Would you like to play with me dinosaur?"
M: "Yes, I would dinosaur."

And then our dinosaurs go to the park or the zoo or to a birthday party or something.

I love her and I love playing with her once we get started, I'm just always so distracted. I either have work to do or I want to rest and be alone. But this year has been so busy and gone by so fast I feel like I'm missing her growing up. I'm trying to be better. I want to be the mom she needs me to be.

I love seeing the big girl that she is becoming.

First Bath

2011-11-22T20:48:00.000-07:00

We're really out of order here. No, his first bath was not after Halloween or his blessing or his first trip to Northwest Trek, but I just found these pictures and decided we needed a record that he did have a first bath.

Even though he's only a month old now, I look at these pictures and I can't believe how little he was.

All clean and dressed.

Hannah and Benjamin Love Joshua

2011-11-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

Hannah and Ben love their little brother so much. Hannah is always asking to hold him and when he's napping she's always sneaking in to watch him (and sometimes she's sneaking in to steal his binkie.) Ben always puts his head on Joshua's and says, "Mmmmm" and gives him lots of kisses every day. Here are some pictures of them with Joshua when he was about a day and a half old.

And this is a couple of days later. Ben was trying to hug Joshua in his car seat.

I love that the kids love their little brother so much. I hope they will all be good friends as they grow up.

Joshua's Blessing Day

2011-11-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

Joshua Steele. 2 weeks, 3 days old.

The day we blessed Joshua was such a nice day. It started out a little rocky, just trying to get out the door. We walked in 5 minutes late to church, which was so frustrating. But it was so nice to walk into the chapel and see all the support we had there. Both my parents were there, my grandma, Renee, Mickey and my Aunt Dena, and our friends Andy and Alianna, and Heather and Ryan, and Natalie and of course, Devan's mom and sister visiting from Utah.

Josh screamed through the entire blessing. I trying to take notes and I was so focused on my note-taking that I didn't even realize it was my baby crying until halfway through the blessing. I took him out to feed him, but he never really calmed down. I walked the halls with him all through Sunday School and then finally right before Relief Society, a woman took him from me and he stopped crying and fell asleep. I think he was just sick of me.

After church everyone came to our house for lunch. It was so fun and everyone brought a different yummy salad.

Grandpa with Joshua

My pretty Mommy.

The Smith girls

Devan and his mommy.

Becks

Steeles

My dad and his baby sister.

Dena's friend Jeff with Ben

Nicole and Joshua. She's one of our favorite aunts.

And just a couple more of the Joshua...

I love him.

Nana and Auntie Colie Visit

2011-11-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

Devan's mom and sister Nicole came to meet Joshua when he was 2 weeks old. It was so nice having them and they were such a help to me when Devan was at work all day. I wish we could have gotten out and done more, but I was still so tired and sore. One day we tried to go to the park for a picnic, but after we got everyone in the car and buckled, we discovered the car wouldn't start.

We managed one outing to Northwest Trek on Saturday when Devan was home. It was so fun. Northwest Trek's main attraction is their tram tour through the woods where you get to see all sorts of animals in their natural habitats. They also have a walking tour where you can see northwest predators in exhibits, but we've usually done by the time the tram tour is over.

Waiting to board the tram.

Ben got a little antsy by the end.

Costume Pictures

2011-11-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

I have framed pictures hanging in the kids' room of them in their costumes every Halloween. I didn't get a good picture on Halloween so I kept meaning to dress them back up. I finally got around to it a week and a half later. It was a fiasco. I'd been waiting to do it when Devan was home and then I got mad at him for not helping enough. Hannah got yelled at because she kept sucking on the hem of her dress. Ben had a candle fall on his head. And Josh cried for no good reason (he's such a baby!) I was so stressed out and so upset that we couldn't just get one nice picture.

But now that some time has passed, I'm able to laugh about it and enjoy the imperfect pictures we were able to capture.

This is the best picture we got of Hannah.

This is not.

Neither is this.

Hannah loves her brother, maybe more than he wants her to.

Then she stole Ben's binkie and, hoping to avoid being beaten, tried to shove it in Josh's mouth. We were not amused.

"Shh Ben! It's okay!"

This is the one I'm going to print. Not the best picture I've ever gotten of them, but as you can see, not the worst.

Hannah wanted to hold the baby.

But she was quickly bored of him.

Then we decided to let Ben try.

This is how well that idea went...

Yep.

I actually really like this picture of Ben. That's the candle that fell on his head.

My crying monkey. He was ready to be done with pictures by this time, but Mom just would not give up!

She seems to not be too scarred by her crazy mom. We'll see how next year goes...

Halloween

2011-11-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

We had a low key Halloween this year. I was really sad about it because I love doing Halloween things with my kids, but I've decided that this year we had a lot going on and it's okay. There's always next year. We were going to go to some Halloween activities on Saturday, but I was feeling sick and tired so we stayed home. The on Monday, which was actual Halloween, I had a crazy day. I was trying to print out the invitations to Joshua's blessing, but they kept messing them up at the printers. We had to go to Walmart 3 times that day. And Hannah and Ben had woken up at 4:00 in the morning and Hannah doesn't take naps, so we were all pretty tired by the time we went trick or treating. Then Devan got off work late so we had to get ready all by ourselves, but we made it out the house somehow. Mom, Dad, Renee and Mickey all met us at the mall and we did our trick or treating inside.

Devan came straight from work, but I think it looks like a costume. Probably the only time he'll dress up for Halloween. Hannah is Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, Ben is a shark, and Joshua is a monkey. I'd wanted to make everyone Wizard of Oz themed costumes, but I didn't find the time or energy, and once again, I'm telling myself I'm okay with that.

Hannah was easily distracted.

Ben didn't want to hold his own bucket. Smart kid.

Renee brought her new dog, itty-bitty. We love all that little doggy so much. Ben kept wanting Renee to be the one to hold him because then he could pet the dog. When someone else held him, he'd try to unzip their coats to see if they were hiding a little dog too.

Ben didn't like to hold out his bucket to people. He wanted to hold each piece in his hand and look at it before he'd put it away.

We had fun, but we were ready to go home by the end.

I almost forgot. These were my attempts at getting a nice picture of everyone in their costumes before we left home. All it did was stress us all out.

I really like little Joshua in this picture though. He looks so tiny. I wish I hadn't taken it on my phone so it was better quality.

Temple Trip

2011-11-16T22:16:00.000-07:00

When Joshua was 7 days old, I realized that his blessing was coming up in a week and a half and I didn't have anything for him to wear. It was too late to order anything and have it arrive on time, so we took a trip up to the church distribution center in Bellevue. We bought him a cute white outfit and then went next door to walk around the temple grounds. On the way up there Hannah kept asking if we were going to the temple with the "fake people" because they have these statues of families outside.

Ben was mesmerized by the fountains. He never wanted to leave.

Hannah wanted her picture taken with the temple. You have to look really close to see her.

We left and got stuck in rush hour traffic. We were hardly moving for a half hour. It was stressful because we were all hungry by this point. Then I heard Hannah in the in the farthest back seat talking about her leaf she picked up at the temple.

She said, "Here's a piece for Mommy and a piece for Daddy and one for Benjamin and Joshua."

And I thought, "Great, now I'm going to have little pieces of leaf all over the car," but I didn't say anything because at least she was happy playing with her leaf.

Then she said, "My leaf is lettuce. I'm eating my leaf."

I asked, "Are you eating your leaf for real or pretend?"

"For real."

Again, I didn't stop her. Then Ben started crying. I mean, really freaking out.

I yelled back, "Why is he crying?"

"Because he ate all the leaf I gave him and he wants some more."

This time I did say something, "Then give him some more! Make him stop crying!"

She did and he stopped crying and Devan and I cracked up about the kind of mother that I am.

What Hannah and Ben have been up to

2011-11-15T19:01:00.000-07:00

The big kids had a great time during Joshua's first week. He was born early Thursday morning, so they spent Wednesday and Friday night at Grandpa's. They played at his house, and at the toys at the mall and had a great time.

Saturday, Mom, Renee, and Mickey picked them up and took them to the children's museum. They look like they had so much fun! I wish I could have gone.

Tuesday, Renee and Mickey took the kids to the pumpkin patch.

Wednesday, I had my 1 week postpartum visit with my midwife. It's an hour drive each way and then the appointment lasted an hour and a half, and I was worn out by the time we got home. Mom, Kory, Renee, and Mickey came over to carve pumpkins. The kids had a great time and I was happy they were distracted so I could lie on the couch. I even got dinner brought to me while I was lounging. It was amazing!

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, laid a very tired, but very happy mom and baby.

Super relaxing except when we had to defend ourselves against Ben.

Ben wanted to let Joshua talk on the phone too.

My cute, cute brother with his pumpkin.

I'm so grateful I had so much help from my family and friends the first week of Joshua's life. Hannah and Ben had a great time and I was able to rest and recover and enjoy my new baby.

Family Pictures

2011-11-14T23:12:00.000-07:00

When Joshua was 3 days old we got family pictures taken. And old friend from school was in the area doing photo shoots. I didn't plan on taking a baby that small out for pictures, but I scheduled them when I thought he was going to come much earlier than October 20th. I love the way they turned out, and I'm really glad we got them done, but it wore me out!

My big kids. I love how grown up Ben looks in this picture.

I had to tell Hannah I'd give her candy when we got home to get her to pose for this picture. But she really does love him...

I really like this picture, except for Devan. What was he doing?

And then I don't like myself in this picture... I just can't win. Look at my beautiful kids though. They're like serious little models.

Devan and his boys.

Me and my princess.

If you look really carefully, you can see a little cut under her right eye. In the middle of the pictures she was running around and she tripped and fell on a stick. I think Morgan edited it out pretty well, but she had the start of a black eye. On picture day!

Joshua.

I love the way these turned out. This is the first time I've ever gotten professional newborn pictures taken of one of my babies.

We all love him so much!

Morgan's website is http://www.morgandavis.biz/index.html

Hannah and Benjamin meet Joshua

2011-11-13T20:51:00.003-07:00

The night before baby Joshua was born, the older kids spent the night at my dad's house. The next morning my mom picked them up and took Hannah to preschool. After preschool they came home to meet their new baby brother.

We had to keep Ben away from him at first because he hit Joshua when he first saw him. He wasn't being mean, it was just like he wanted to touch him and did it too hard.

Uncle Kory meeting Joshua

Hannah is very good and holding her baby brothers.

After they'd met the baby, we all went out and ate some of Joshua's birthday cake. Devan bought an ice cream cake on October 1st and we saved it for 20 days waiting for Joshua. He got it because I've always wanted an ice cream cake for my birthday, but whenever my birthday comes around, I don't want him to spend the money on it. It was delicious. Everyone who came to visit the baby for the next two weeks got a piece of cake.

And...here are just a few (or a lot) more pictures from his first day. Just because I think he's so cute!

And, if you're interested, here's the video of Hannah and Ben meeting Joshua for the first time. Ignore me in it. I'd just gotten out of the shower so my hair is wet and I don't have any makeup on. And, um, I'd had a baby like 8 hours before...

More Joshua

2011-11-04T11:35:00.000-06:00

He is now 2 weeks and 1 day old. I love him. I love the closeness a mother has with her newborn, the complete dependence on each other. I've left a couple of times to run to the store in the evenings, but other than that, we're inseparable.

Kat came and visited us the day after he was born to make sure everyone was doing well. We were!

He'd lost a half a pound and was down to 8 pounds 10 ounces, but by his 6 day appointment he'd passed his birth weight and was at 9 pounds 5 ounces.

Hannah and Benjamin spent Thursday, the day he was born with Grandma, and Friday with Grandpa. They came home both days to visit.

On our 26th try we got everyone kind of looking in the right direction.

But I like this one too...

We've had a good 2 weeks. Devan went back to work when he was 4 days old, but I've had so much help. I needed it. I think that this has been my hardest recovery yet. Maybe it's because he was a little bigger, but I think that it's just because my body was tired from the marathon pregnancies. It frustrates me when I can't do everything I want to do, but little by little I'm getting stronger.

I love this baby so much. He's had a harder time sleeping at night than Ben did. Once a night he has a period where he wants to nurse for at least 2 hours straight. But I'm happy to do it if it means we're more successful at breastfeeding than we were with Ben.

He has a big cry too. I've never heard that much loud of noise come out of a 2 week old baby, but it's probably because he's a giant. He's such a dear. I love babies so much. Sometimes I wish that they could stay little like this forever, but then I look at Hannah and Ben and know I would never want to miss out on all the fun they are. So, I try to savor it while I can.

Introducing...

2011-10-21T23:15:00.000-06:00

Joshua Devan Steele

October 20, 2011

3:35 AM

9 pounds 2 ounces

20 inches long

These are all pictures from the first 3 hours.

Joshua's Birth Story

2011-10-21T22:57:00.002-06:00

I was lying in bed at 6 in the morning on October 19^th. Devan had left for work just a few minutes before. I suddenly realized that my pants felt a little damp. I got up and confirmed that my water had broken, but it was only a couple of tablespoons worth of fluid. I called Devan and told him to let his boss know that he would probably have to leave work early. Ben was already awake, so I laid down with him and tried to go back to sleep. Eventually he messed with Hannah enough to wake her up, so we got up and started our day. We ate breakfast and played for a little bit and after I put Ben down for his morning nap I called the midwife to let her know that my water had broken. I talked to her assistant, Kat, and she asked me some questions about it. I was having some uncomfortable contractions by this point, but they weren’t very close together. Kat said the contractions would probably pick up sometime between then and that evening.

Hannah already had plans to go to the library with Renee and Mickey, so she left at about 9:30. They kept her most of the day, which was great. Ben took his two naps, which totaled over 3 hours. It was a good day. I tried to take a nap, but I was only able to doze off for about 10 minutes. The rest of the time I tried to clean the house and get everything ready for baby. The contractions came closer together when I was up working, but when I rested they slowed down so I knew I wasn’t very far along in my labor.

At about 3:00 I called Devan to see when he’d be off work. The contractions were coming about 10 minutes apart. I told him I’d probably be okay alone with the kids for another 2 hours, but not another 5 hours. We were lucky and they quit at about 5:00 and he was home by 5:30. By this point the contractions were at 7 minutes apart.

One of my biggest fears this pregnancy was that I would go into labor when I was home alone with the kids. I was afraid that I’d be in pain and snapping at them and they’d be climbing all over me. A couple of weeks ago I was upset about the way the pregnancy was going and how long we were having to wait for the baby to come. I asked Devan to give me a blessing. The thing that stood out most was that he said that I’d be able to be calm when I felt like there was no way out. I kept thinking about that all day. A couple of times I felt the panic rising, but I was able to remember that I’d been blessed to feel calm, and I was.

The only time that I feel like it was difficult for the kids to be around me when I was in labor happened after Devan got home from work. I was having a contraction and it felt better to walk through it, so I was walking in a circle through the living room. Hannah decided she needed me right then and started chasing me and I had to yell for Devan to keep her away from me. But when it was over I was able to hold her and she seemed fine.

We got the kids ready to go and brought them over to my dad’s to spend the night. Then we left and went to the grocery store. All day long I’d been wanting to go on a walk to help move baby down, but I hadn’t wanted to drag Ben out of the house. It was nice to be able to walk at the store. Then we were hungry and we needed gas so we went to Costco. By the time we got into Costco, the contractions were getting painful enough that I couldn’t walk through them anymore. We tried to get a piece of pizza at Costco, but we didn’t have enough cash, so we just walked around the store for a while and then went to Subway for sandwiches.

We got home and the house still needed some cleaning done so we spent about an hour and got everything perfect. I’d already vacuumed once that day, but it needed it again. I kept telling Devan that it was so nice to clean and know that it was going to stay clean for at least a day because the kids weren’t here. Even now, a whole day later, my living room is still clean because the kids have hardly been home.

We were able to get everything put away and cleaned (even dusted!) before I felt like I needed to stop and rest. We turned off the light and went to bed and I watched TV and timed contractions. I started the hour with them coming at around every 6 minutes apart, but after about an hour of lying in bed, they had slowed to every 10 minutes again. I decided I needed to get up and be active to move things along. I went in the living room and worked on relaxing through a few contractions. I’m always amazed at how much work and concentration it takes to deal with pain like that. I was doing fine and then one hit me while I was walking that I wasn’t prepared for. I dropped to my hands and knees and made noise and woke Devan up. I felt bad because he’d just fallen asleep, but not really that bad. I knew it was going to be a long night for both of us.

I got in the bathtub and he sat in the bathroom and timed contractions for about an hour. They were coming every 4 to 6 minutes apart and they were lasting about a minute each. After about an hour we decided it was time to page my midwife, Charlene since she had a 45 minute drive to make. She called us right back and said she’d be on her way. She asked if we thought she needed to hurry or if she had a little time to get ready. We said she had a little time.

Kat, Charlene’s assistant, arrived first. By this time, I’d gotten out of the tub and was sitting in bed. The contractions were really painful by this point and I was moaning through them. Kat said I was probably getting close to the end. I said I hoped so, but I wasn’t sure. It was interesting, because all though my labor, the pains weren’t nearly as intense as they’d been when I had Ben. With Ben I felt all the pain in my back and Devan had to push on my back with every contraction for 12 hours. I also felt sick a lot of the time when I was laboring with Ben. I remember the midwives kept trying to get me to drink and I didn’t want to and by the end of labor I was so exhausted. This time I felt fine in between contractions. I’d also been really careful to take a drink whenever it was offered to me and ask for lots of water and juice. I was surprised that I felt good enough to be able to talk and laugh with Kat when I wasn’t having a contraction. I was sure that meant that I wasn’t very close to the end.

Charlene got there a little while later, at about 1:30 am. She walked in during a contraction and I was being very “vocal“ about it. They listened to the baby’s heart rate and said that it was dropping quite a bit during contractions, but going right back up to normal after. Charlene checked to see how much I was dilated. She said she wouldn’t normally do that, but since his heart rate was dropping she had to know how much longer we had left.

I was dilated to a 7. I knew that meant that I was about to go through transition. The first stage of labor lasts the longest and that’s when the cervix dilates from 1 to 10 centimeters. The second stage of labor is the pushing stage. The period when you go from about 7 to 10 centimeters is called transition. It lasts about an hour and the contractions are really intense and really close together. It’s the period when I really lost it with Ben too. I thought I was ready for it this time and I knew that when it hurt the worst and I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore that it would be almost over. The problem that arose this time was when she checked my dilation, she felt the baby’s head and discovered he was posterior. So, his head was down, but if he’d come out that way, he would have been born facing up rather than down. This can also make for a much more painful labor and a longer pushing stage.

After she checked me and told me he was posterior, the contractions became unmanageable. I was screaming by the end of the next one. My idea that I only had another hour left went out the window. I threw up 4 times during the next contraction and my water broke the rest of the way and gushed all over. Charlene said we needed to do some things to get him turned, but I thought it was going to take forever and that he was going to be stuck and never come out. The next hour of contractions were the most unbelievable pain. I was screaming and thrashing. Poor Kat kept needing to listen to the heartbeat during the contraction, but I wouldn’t stay still. The other assistant, Diane used a technique called riboso (I think.) I got on my hands and knees and she wrapped a big cloth around my abdomen and stood behind me and pulled the cloth to wiggle my tummy back and forth. It actually made the pain a little better. They also put some homeopathic remedy under my tongue that was supposed to get the baby to turn.

Sometime during this time, Devan had called my mom and my aunt to come over. My mom came right while I was in the middle of transition. She tried to come and say hello and pat my arm, but I was completely out of it. Devan said, “You shouldn’t touch her or you’ll get yelled at.” She spent a lot of the transition in the living room trying not to pass out. I don’t think that I could deal with ever seeing Hannah in that much pain.

During every contraction I was freaking out and saying that I couldn’t do it anymore. I begged Devan to take me away and make the pain stop. I seriously wished that I would die so that I wouldn’t hurt anymore. Finally Charlene said, “This seems like it’s really hard for you. Do you want to go to the hospital and get an epidural?” I’d really been thinking I needed to, but then as soon as she said that, I thought of having to walk down the stairs and ride in the car to the hospital, screaming in pain the whole time and I knew I couldn’t do that either. We’d talked a few minutes before about changing positions and someone suggested getting in the bathtub, so while I was trying to decide whether I was going to stay or go, one of the assistants came in and said the bath was ready. I had one more contraction that I didn’t handle well and Devan finally grabbed me and said, “Stop! You need to breath.” That woke me up a little bit and I was able to get up and walk to the bathroom.

I got in the bath and right away felt so much better. The very next contraction I felt a ton of pressure and I started pushing, which made the contraction hurt so much less. I didn’t tell anyone that I felt the urge to push, because I didn’t know whether or not it was time to push. With Hannah I had an epidural so I never got to even feel the contractions while I was pushing. They would watch the monitors and tell me when I was having a contraction and then I would push. With Ben they saw some bulging and told me I could start pushing, but it took a few contractions before I really felt like I needed to push. It was so amazing this time having my body tell me when I needed to push the baby out. And looking back, those last few contractions when I was screaming and freaking out in the bedroom, it was probably already time to push, but I just couldn’t tell because I was so emotional.

Meanwhile, Devan and Charlene were still in the bedroom talking about what we should do. Charlene asked him if I needed to go to the hospital. She said they needed to respect my wishes if I really wanted to go. Devan said that I was begging to go to the hospital right before I had Ben too. He said he thought that it just meant that the baby was going to come really soon. Charlene told him the next day that he should become an EMT or something because he’s really good at staying calm in an emergency situation.

I pushed through about 3 contractions before I told anyone I was pushing. Kat kept monitoring the baby during contractions and his heart rate kept dropping during contractions. But, we could tell by the heartbeat that the baby had turned. Before, the heart rate sounded faint and far away, but after they did the things to turn him, it was loud and right at the surface. It was so amazing that it worked that quickly.

I told them I was pushing and Charlene asked Devan how long it usually took me to push my babies out. She said that if it wasn’t quick enough we were probably still going to have to transfer to a hospital because of how much his heart rate was dropping. This was so scary. I’d gotten through the worst of it and I could feel that he was so close to being out. I did NOT want to go to the hospital after making it through everything else. They put some oxygen on me. I told someone they needed to get my mom and Renee in to watch. I pushed through a couple more contractions and said, “He’s really close!” He was crowning and then next contraction he was out. It was amazing. There’s nothing in the world like that feeling. One second there’s unbelievable pressure and pain and the next second it’s completely over and it was immediately all worth it.

Charlene quickly went to work unwrapping the cord from around his neck. We’d known from the ultrasound that his umbilical cord was around his neck and Charlene said that about 25% of the babies she delivered had a cord around their neck, so it was fairly common. When he came out, we were surprised to find that it was wrapped around his neck 5 times. Charlene said she’d never seen a baby with the cord wrapped that many times. She put him on my chest and he was blue and hadn’t started breathing yet. She rubbed him and told me to talk to him. It only took about 7 seconds and then he started breathing. It felt like forever. They got him some oxygen and I sat in the water and held him for a couple of minutes. Devan cut the umbilical cord after it had stopped pulsing. Then they told Devan to take his shirt off and hold the baby to give him some good skin to skin contact. Devan took him in the bedroom and held him. They had me stand up and push the placenta out. This was a new experience for me too. In the past, the doctor or midwife kneaded at my stomach until the placenta detached. It was much more pleasant to just push a little and have it fall out.

I went in the bedroom and they did all their post delivery checking. I tried to nurse a little bit and then they weighed him and did examinations on both of us. Charlene had mom and Renee cook up some eggs so I had some good protein right away. The midwife and her assistants ended up staying for about 3 hours after the birth. They arrived 2 hours before the birth.

All morning I kept saying to Devan, "We did it. I can't believe we did it." And he would say, "You did it. I didn't do anything." And in a way that's true. He learned this time not to try to touch me without me asking and not to talk to me while I was having a contraction. But it was his silent support the whole time that got me through it. Through my worst contractions I'd reach out and squeeze his hand and loving him so much got me through it. Sometimes I get mad that he can be so unemotional, but he's my rock. I'd never have been able to survive that day, and I'd never be able to survive so many of the speedbumps I encounter in my life without him.

This birth was such a miracle. I’m so grateful that I had such a skilled midwife. I know that between the posterior position and the heart rate dropping because of the cord wrap that if I’d been in a hospital I’d have had a C-section. It’s a touchy subject because I know that lots of people do have necessary C-sections and I’m so grateful that the technology is there to save babies when it is needed. However, in this case, we didn’t need it, but I know that they wouldn’t have been willing to wait and see in a hospital. As hard as this labor was, I’m just so grateful that 48 hours later I’m sitting in my own bed with my baby and not laying in a hospital bed with staples in my stomach.

It was so amazing to was able to walk from the bathroom where I gave birth to my own bed and lay there until everyone left at around 6:30am. Then Devan, Joshua, and I went to sleep. The sleep only lasted about 2 hours, but after the 24 hours I’d had before, I was happy to take whatever sleep I could get.

Terry's Berries

2011-10-19T11:20:00.002-06:00

Hannah's class took a field trip yesterday to a local organic farm. I was really grumbling the night before about having to go, but we had a great time.

Hannah and Ben with some of Hannah's friends from school.

Someone bumped Ben and he was not happy.

First the kids got to take a hayride to the other side of the farm.

Ben only made it halfway. He stood up and had to be carried the rest of the trip.

When the truck stopped, the kids each got to dig for carrots. Then we went to another area and picked apples.

Then we ate some raspberries off their bushes. Then we gathered lettuce and broccoli to feed to the chickens.

Teacher Nancy helped Hannah hold it so the chickens could eat it.

Then we saw turkeys!

Ben had a hard time walking so much, but he was a trooper. I only carried him about half the time. When he got bored, he'd stop and play in the mud.

Ducks

Then we went to look for pumpkins.

The farmer said the kids could have any pumpkin they could carry. They couldn't manage this one.

So Hannah picked this one. I know she looks miserable in this picture, but she was actually really happy about her pumpkin. When we got home, I asked her if she wanted to decorate it or eat it. She chose eat it, so we're still trying to decide on what to put it in.

This is all the food we got, brought home and washed.

She ate an apple first thing when she got home. It was one good apple!

Side note: In baby-related news, I'm pretty sure my water broke this morning. I'll keep you updated.

We went to the zoo with Grandpa

2011-10-17T21:04:00.000-06:00

The children were nearly eaten by sharks.

These deer weren't afraid of us at all. Ben was so good to stay on this side of the fence and watch.

They both really liked playing on this spinney thing separately, but did not enjoy it together.

Dates

2011-10-13T22:38:00.000-06:00

What an emotional rollercoaster this pregnancy has been! For anyone who is confused about my due dates, let me say, I'm confused too! So I'm going to give the timeline of my changing dates for anyone who would like clarification.

February - Positive pregnancy test! As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I did what I've done with all my pregnancies and looked on my calendar to see when the first day of my last period was (January 27th). I then counted forward 40 weeks giving me a due date of November 3, 2011. When I went to the midwife for the first time, she asked the date of my last period and using her very sophisticated date wheel, confirmed that date.

This pregnancy was strange from the very beginning because I got my positive pregnancy test when I was only about 3 weeks along. The test had a very dark line. With my other 3 pregnancies, I got a faint line at about 5 or 6 weeks that got darker when I retested a couple of weeks later. I thought it was weird that I could have that many hormones in my system that early to give such a dark line. I was also sick already at 3 weeks, which didn't start until 7 or 8 weeks with my other pregnancies.

April - I kept telling Devan that I felt more pregnant than I should be. On Hannah's 3rd birthday, people kept telling me that I was starting to show. This was really depressing because at the time, the baby should have only been about an inch long.

May-June- I got busy and didn't schedule any prenatal visits. Baby was moving around a ton and I was already getting some pretty painful kicks. Again, I thought that was odd for only being 4 or 5 months along. I went to a fetal imaging studio at the mall and found out we were having a boy. And he confirmed that it was just one baby. Up until this point I'd secretly thought it might be twins because I was feeling so much movement and I was so big.

July - I finally went back to the midwife. When she measured my belly, I was measuring at 29 cm, instead of around 21 cm. She ordered an ultrasound, which revealed that I was actually 27 weeks pregnant instead of the 23 weeks I thought I was. That ultrasound gave me a due date of October 8th. Everyone was quick to tell me, however, that ultrasounds after 20 weeks aren't very accurate in determining dates and can be off by a couple of weeks in any direction. I assumed that the period I thought I'd had in January must have just been some pregnancy bleeding. It made perfect sense that I'd be a month farther along than I thought since I'd felt big the whole pregnancy. I remembered the date of my last period before January and that gave me a due date of October 1st.

August - I moved to Washington and started seeing my midwife, Charlene. I told her about how my dates had changed and she was a little concerned at the accuracy of an ultrasound that late. I told her the date of my last period in December and we decided to go with the October 1st due date rather than the October 8th. It seemed the most accurate considering how late the ultrasound was. And with the move, I was having tons of contractions and I was sure I wasn't going to even make it until October 1st. I was so afraid that baby would come a little early and I'd end up having to go to the hospital so I wanted to make sure we were going by the earlier due date.

October - October 1st came and went with no baby. October 8th came and went with no baby. Charlene started to get really concerned and we did everything we could think of to get baby out before October 15th when I'd be too overdue to deliver at home. She decided to have me go in for another ultrasound just to see if my dates may be off. I was sure they weren't wrong because I'd been measuring at full term for 3 weeks before I even hit my due date.

I went in today for the ultrasound. They wouldn't tell me anything while I was there so I had to go home and wait for 2 hours for Charlene to get the results and call me. The first thing she told me was that the baby had scored an 8 out of 8 on his biophysical profile, which means he's perfectly healthy. This was such great news because it meant that even if I was more than 2 weeks overdue, I wasn't going to let anyone talk me into an induction when my baby was perfectly healthy inside me.

Then she said that they'd estimated his weight. Before she told me the weight she said, "Now, they're off 90% percent of the time on this, and I don't think this is really your baby's weight, but they say he's about 8 and a half pounds right now." Huge baby! Ben was 8 pounds 5 ounces so I'm not at all afraid of delivering a baby over 8 pounds.

Then she told me the news that 3 weeks ago would have made me cry, but today made me so happy. She said this ultrasound determined the gestational age of my baby to be 39 weeks 2 days, rather than the 41 weeks 5 days I thought I was. So, she said based on this new information, we can change my due date to October 19th and I will still be able to deliver at home up until 2 weeks past that date.

A few weeks ago I was so ready to be done being pregnant. I was so sure that it was going to happen any day. Then as I got farther and farther past my due date I got more and more scared of an induction and being pregnant for a few more weeks doesn't seem like a big deal at all. Having had one induction, I can honestly say I would rather go overdue than be induced.

This morning before I left for the ultrasound I prayed for a miracle and I feel like I got one. October 19th doesn't make any sense for a due date based on either of my last periods. And that they classified me as not even being at my due date yet while at the same time telling me I have an 8 pound baby is kind of incredible, but I'm so grateful. I've been praying so hard that everything would work out so I wouldn't end up in the hospital. This morning it seemed like there was no chance of that. I felt like I'd been abandoned. I still don't understand why this baby had such a strange growth pattern, but I'm so grateful that he's healthy and that I was given more time to have the birth that I want.

So...we can relax a little, but only a little. Baby should still be coming any day now. It may be another 3 weeks still, or it could be tomorrow. I'm hoping for tomorrow.

Five Mondays

2011-10-10T22:00:00.001-06:00

That's right, this is the 5th Monday that this baby has technically been "full term." 5 weekends have come and gone with my husband home with my baby refuses to come when it's convenient. I'm starting to panic. I've got until Saturday to get this baby out, or I'll be two weeks overdue and not eligable for a home birth. Then I'm afraid if I go much past Saturday, someone will recommend a pitocin induction, which for me would be one of the worst ways this pregnancy could end. So, last night before I went to bed I decided I was going to try really hard today to get this baby out.

This morning I got the kids dressed and as soon as they woke up and we went to the vitamin store for some black and blue cohosh. They're herbs that are supposed to be able to help induce labor. A few minutes after I took the first dose, I started feeling a little more crampy than usual. Then I called my midwife and a few hours later I headed to her house to get my membranes stripped. While I was there, she recommended an acupuncturist that she said has successfully started labor in quite a few of her patients. So, we stopped for lunch and then headed to the accupuncturist. I was so lucky that my aunt Renee was able to come with us because the kids were everywhere and I never would have been able to control them alone through all that.

I'm hoping that everything I did today will help this baby come out. I know that the ultimate objective is a healthy baby, but a birth is a big deal and I would like to be able to have it turn out the way I'm hoping.

In Search of a Chinchilla

2011-10-06T20:04:00.000-06:00

Let me lay it all out there from the beginning. We took a trip to two pet stores the other evening. I wanted to buy a fish so I could write a post about it called, "Our New Addition." Devan said no, and here we are.

Hannah's been watching a lot of Dora and Diego lately. She's been talking about animals that eat leaves, like the chinchilla, and she's been super into salads because then she's eating leaves like the chinchillas. Seriously, she's been eating like 2 salads a day. It's great. So Monday night I told Devan we should go to the pet store and try to find a chinchilla.

We started out at PetSmart, but it was really lame. All they had were fish and a few birds and rodents. No chinchillas at all. So, we looked at some fish, and Ben chased a couple of dogs that were there shopping and then we went to a real pet store.

There's this little exotic animal pet store that I discovered when Hannah was about Ben's age. We hadn't been in a couple of years, but it's so cool. Hannah found her chinchilla and she recognized it right away.

Ben met bunnies that were bigger than him.

When we came here when Hannah was one, she tried to grab this duck and it pooped on the floor. This time we had no such incident.

The store also has a free-roaming chicken and a few cats. We saw exotic fish and snakes and lizards and spider. We saw about 12 little puppies and I wanted to buy them all. Luckily they each cost more than my rent, so I was restrained. We had so much fun. Ben and Hannah got so excited, more than they do at the zoo. Why do I ever spend money on them?

Two Silly Monkeys

2011-10-05T20:07:00.000-06:00

We have this walker. Devan hates it. I like it, but only because there's a 1 or 2 month window when my babies really like it. The rest of the time it gets tripped over and climbed in by kids that are too big. Then they cry when they can't get back out. Both the kids are too big to be playing in it and I spend my life trying to chase them out of it. The best is when they get in it together and then get stuck.

I think this actually really hurts them and it's really hard to get them out. Devan laughed and took pictures and I stood by wringing my hands. Then he pushed from the bottom and I pulled from the top and we got them unstuck. Somehow, they still love him the best.

Just Waiting

2011-10-04T22:42:00.001-06:00

I'm now 3 days past one estimated due date (have to keep reminding myself of the estimated part) and I have the due date the third trimester ultrasound gave me coming up in 4 days. I'm feeling much better than I did a few days ago.

This morning I went through the baby clothes while Hannah was at school. I'd never even boxed up the newborn clothes since I got pregnant when Ben was still so little so they've been sitting in a drawer waiting for Joshua for 9 months now. Even though I knew they were all there and waiting for him, I pulled them out and looked at them and refolded them. I can't believe he'll be that tiny. I can't believe Ben was that tiny 14 months ago.

I got so excited to hold my baby. And then came peace. Finally. He will come when the time is right.

I've been spending so much time afraid of what is going to happen when I go into labor. I sleep fitfully every night hoping each contraction is a "real" one because I'm so afraid that I'll go into labor when I'm home alone with the kids. I've been upset at the last 4 weekends that have come and gone with no baby. Devan is only going to be able to take 2 or 3 days off work, so I keep hoping that the baby will come on a Thursday or Friday so I can have him home longer while I recover. I've been wearing myself out trying to keep the house looking good for company so that when the midwife comes, I won't be have to be embarassed over the crackers on the carpet and the little girl panties in the bathroom. I've convinced myself that while I'm in labor nothing will irritate me more than having a stack of papers to file on my desk.

I've been so anxious and so fearful about everything. But I don't need to be. Why do I put this kind of pressure on myself and my little baby? Everything will work out the way it needs to. We will have a baby and he will be beautiful and he will be ours forever. It doesn't matter if it happens tomorrow or in 2 weeks. It will happen when it's meant to happen. It makes me happy to finally believe that.

Hair

2011-10-03T22:57:00.000-06:00

Soon after I had both my babies, I chopped my hair off. With Hannah it was 6 weeks later, with Ben it was about 4 days later. I don't know if it's that I can't stand taking care of it anymore, or if I just want so badly to shed all my extra weight that I take it out of my hair and wish that it was coming from my bread-dough stomach.

I have no baby yet and no time or desire to find a babysitter so I can go to a salon, so my hair remains long and damaged. But a few nights ago I was looking at Hannah and realizing her hair was getting mullet-ish again and the short-hair urge struck.

So I took her in the bathroom, hosed down her hair...

And just started chopping...

It ended up a little uneven and it's never been that short before, but we like it.

And here's to hoping that Mom gets that crazy look out of her eyes soon...

All Moved In

2011-09-30T22:45:00.002-06:00

6 weeks to the day, I think I can finally say all our boxes are unpacked, all the pictures are hung and we officially live here.

Here's a quick tour of our new home...

Walk in the door and the living room in on the left. We got a couch from my mom since ours was too big to fit up the stairs and a couple of weeks after we moved in, my uncle who was moving out of state gave us a hutch and table that used to belong to my grandparents. So now our living room has kind of a "cottage" feel to it, but I like it.

Our HUGE table. It makes this space a little crowded, but it will be nice to have someday when we have a house.

To the right of the front door is the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. First is the kids' room. I made the curtains last week.

And our room. The blue box next to the desk is my box of supplies for our home birth that can happen any time now.

And the bathroom.

And there you have it.

Stick a Fork in Me

2011-09-28T07:48:00.000-06:00

I'm done. I don't think I can do this anymore. I've been saying that for a week and a half now, but each day just gets longer and harder. This morning I heard Hannah stirring at about 5:00. I laid in bed, waiting for her to fall back to sleep and thought, "I'm going to be a good mom today. I'll make them hot breakfast, not just throw crackers on their high chair trays. And we'll go to the park. Maybe we'll even walk there." That was 2 and a half hours ago. Hannah has not been back to sleep and I'm melting down.

We made it through breakfast. Potatoes and eggs. Not the most nutritious breakfast, but at least they got a protein and a good carb. And after the bar being set at Cheeze-its and dry frosted flakes, I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

I'm still at least 3 days from my due date. I promised myself I would never be a person to whine about not having a baby early. The other two were early and I was taken completely by surprise. I'd been telling myself they were going to be late and then when I didn't make it to my due date, I wasn't prepared. This time, having never made it to a due date, I made sure I was ready early. Bags are packed and we're just sitting around waiting to get this show on the road. And here's why I want to kill myself. Any time I do anything that's not lying in bed whining, I get contractions. Seriously, I stand up for 10 minutes to do the dishes and I'm in so much pain I have to go lay down. But then of course, when I lay down, the contractions stop and NO BABY COMES OUT!

I'm just so tired. I can't sleep at night, as everyone who's ever been 9 months pregnant understands and if I can get Ben down for a nap and Hannah to leave me alone long enough to fall asleep for 10 minutes during the day, then it's been a pretty good day. My midwife did a blood draw last week and it came back that I'm anemic, (iron deficient) vitamin B deficient, vitamin D deficient, and foliate deficient. She saw the numbers and said, "I'm not surprised that you're tired." I'm just so ready for my body to be mine again. If you count the miscarriage and two full-term pregnancies, I've spent 20 of the last 25 months pregnant. The time I spent nursing brings it down to maybe a month or two in the last 2 years that I haven't spent completely supporting another human life. I'm tired and sore. So very, very tired.

I shouldn't complain. I want this baby so badly. Of all my kids, this is the one I knew most strongly that I was supposed to have now. When I prayed about it I knew that it was the right time to try to get pregnant. I remember I was so happy getting that answer because it was what I wanted and because it meant that Heavenly Father knew that I could do it, even though it would be hard. It's been so much harder than I thought it would be. Maybe harder than anything I've done in my entire life. And I don't think I've done a great job. I think we're in survival mode and have been for nearly the entire year. I'm not a good mother. I'm in pain and these kids are in my face every minute of the day from the time I wake up alone to the time I put them to bed alone. And then I yell. A lot.

No wonder baby doesn't want to come out.

2011-09-25T10:04:00.000-06:00

Last night I went to check on the kids in the middle of the night and discovered the Ben had a visitor in his bed. She'd climbed in, stolen his binkie, and fallen asleep. We decided to leave her in there, thinking it may get her to leave us alone the rest of the night. Nope, this morning, we woke up with her between us, neither of us remembering her crawling into bed with us. She's a sneaky, sneaky girl.

Dirty Kids

2011-09-24T10:10:00.000-06:00

At the beginning of the week, Ben fell down at the park. He cried for a couple of minutes and since then it's just looked really awful.

This is him yesterday. The marks on his forehead are from the fall and the rest of the mess on his face is just sandwich.

It reminded me of this picture I took of Hannah when she was about the same age. I posted it on facebook with the caption, "The dirtiest, most beat up baby you've ever seen."

I think we've taken things to a whole new level.

3rd Trip to the Zoo

2011-09-23T09:19:00.000-06:00

I purchased a yearly zoo pass our first week here. It's already paid for itself in how many trips to the zoo we've taken. Last I had plans to go to the zoo with Renee and Mickey and then Devan ended up having the day off so he got to go too.

Berry Picking

2011-09-22T16:33:00.000-06:00

Every summer since Devan and I have been married I've complained about the price of blackberries in Utah. It's something like $3 for a couple of cups and I always say, "Aren't blackberries supposed to be free?" So, a couple of Sundays ago we took a little walk by our apartments and found blackberries growing by the side of the road. We got 9 cups in a half hour and the next morning I took the kids out again and got another 8 cups. We have a bunch frozen and we ate a bunch. They were so good!

And here I am looking very pear shaped. I can't wait until I get this baby out and I can have my body to myself again.

Speaking of pear shaped, I bought one of these to wear after baby comes. It's supposed to help squeeze your hips back into the proper place after you give birth. All the Amazon reviews said it's super uncomfortable, but that it actually works. I'll keep you posted.

Hannah did the Puyallup!

2011-09-21T10:43:00.000-06:00

Friday before last the kids and I were going to go with my aunts to the opening day of the fair. I was so excited, but then the night before I started having pretty regular contractions (3 minutes apart for 2 hours.) They didn't go anywhere, but it was a hard, hard night and Devan didn't get home until 9:30 that night. When he got home I was in tears and the kids were both still up. He got them to bed and then recommended that I try to find someone to watch the kids for me the next day.

So, Renee and Mickey were so nice to still take Hannah to the fair and Ben got to go play at Grandpa's house all day. And from the hours of 10 in the morning to 5 at night, I stayed in bed. I was so lazy. I watched TV and played games on my phone all day long. I felt so guilty because what mom ever gets to take the whole day off, but it was so good for me. Since that day, I've hardly had any painful contractions at all. I think my body was just really begging for a rest. However, after collapsing into bed every night for a month exhausted from the labor pains, I would mind a little more activity in that department now that I'm actually full-term. But nothing. I'm pretty sure he's staying in there as long as he can.

Hannah had such a fun time at the fair and I think Renee and Mickey did too. I wish I could have taken her, but they gave me some great pictures of her and that's almost as good.

Our First Playdate

2011-09-21T09:58:00.000-06:00

When we'd been here for almost 3 weeks we had our first playdate with some new friends from church. Their family has a boy and a girl about the same age as our boy and girl, which is super fun (but will never be the same as it was with our other friends who had kids the same age as ours, I hope you know who you are!). We're able to talk in the hallway while we do laps around the church with our pre-nursery aged boys every Sunday.

I feel like this summer went by too fast, but we were able to catch one of the last days that the splash pads here were open. We met our new friends at Wright Park in Tacoma and had a great time!

Preschool Girl

2011-09-20T15:39:00.001-06:00

Today was Hannah's first day of preschool. She will be going twice a week for 2 hours. She was so excited. This week I've been able to get her to do anything just by saying that's what preschool girls do. We'll see how long that lasts.

We have to wait outside until there is a green "GO" sign.

Then she has to hang up her coat and find her name tag on the table. She picked hers out right away without any help.

Then she finds her name and it tells her what color she's sitting on in the circle. Today she was purple. We sit and read a book for a minute while all the kids get settled in the circle.

Then we get them interested in a toy or a project and say goodbye. She picked painting today.

I think Ben thought school looked like fun. I felt kind of bad for him that he couldn't stay too.

After we left Hannah we went to the post office and then rushed home. Ben threw a fit the whole time we were in the post office and then screamed the whole time in the car. Preschool starts right when his first nap usually is, so by the time we made it home, he was an hour late to go to sleep. Then he only got to sleep for a half hour before we had to go back to pick up Hannah. This may really throw off our morning routine. But I have to keep reminding myself that in a couple of weeks a new baby will be throwing off our schedule anyway so it won't matter.

Thursday is my day to work in the classroom, so I'll know more details about what she does at school then.

Beach Day

2011-09-20T00:01:00.001-06:00

The second weekend we were here we headed out to the coast. We went with my mom, Kory and Aunt Renee and fun was had by all.

Owen's Beach

2011-09-19T10:31:00.000-06:00

Our first Friday night here we were crazy in need of a break from packing and driving and unpacking and new jobs. We really wanted to tie the children up somewhere and take off to Mexico, but instead we got a to-go order of fish and chips and headed down to Owen's beach at Point Defiance. We didn't get much time there before the sun went down, but it was nice. It had been the first time in 2 weeks we'd had any quality time with just our family.

Aunt Nicole's Visit

2011-09-16T16:42:00.041-06:00

Devan's sister was so sweet to drive to Washington with us and help us move and hang out for a few days. The day after we moved in, Devan had to go to training all day for work. Nicole and the kids and I unpacked and did a little grocery shopping and tried to get settled. After he got home, we did a little sightseeing in downtown Tacoma.

We walked around by the glass museum

And watched part of a wedding ceremony that was taking place outside. It was beautiful.

Ben was so funny. He'd put his hands in the water and then shake them off. He really doesn't like to get wet the way that Hannah always has.

Then we walked up to the Rock Pizza place.

I asked them for some dough for Hannah to play with. It was sitcky and gross, but she loved it.

Ben enjoyed his pizza.

Riding the Link back to our car.

The next day was Sunday so we visited our new ward and then went to my mom's house for dinner.

Monday Devan started his new job and Nicole and I took the kids to the lake. It was the only overcast day all week and we were the only ones swimming. It was cold, but fun. Nicole and Hannah did most of the swimming. I mostly sat on the beach with Ben. It was wonderful. I got sand in my camera lens and now it's toast. This is the second time this has happened to me. I need to stop taking cameras to the beach. And now I can't even find the broken camera, so I have no pictures to show from the day. Sad. But the trip was super fun!

Tuesday we went to Point Defiance! We went to the zoo first, and then to Owen's beach. There are no pictures at the beach because my phone had died by then.

This little splash pad was so fun. The water would squirt out of one or two holes at a time and Ben kept chasing the water around and around. It finally got him.

Hannah got to brush a goat.

The sharks are my favorite part of the zoo. Hannah wasn't too interested in them when she was 1 and I was surprised that she wasn't too interested in them that day either. Ben really liked them though.

Hannah was so excited to get her picture taken with "Nemo."

Wednesday I had to go to my first midwife appointment, about 45 minutes away in Issaquah. Nicole was so sweet to sit with me and help wrangle my kids through an hour and a half appointment. We'd decided that morning to spend the whole day in the Seattle area since she was flying out that night and we were having to drive up north anyway. After the appointment we got lunch. Then we got ice cream and brought it with us to eat on the Seattle Temple grounds.

Then we drove into Seattle and stopped by the Space Needle.

As usual, Hannah loved the water.

And as usual, Ben didn't. He doesn't get upset when we go play by water, he just prefers to sit on the side and look serious.

Our last stop was to the food court for some Seattle Fudge. Hannah and Nicole rode a giant slug.

All too soon, it was time for Nicole to get to the airport. Luckily, Devan was working in SeaTac that day and he'd gotten off work before she had to catch her flight, so we were able to meet him for dinner before we had to say goodbye. It was so sad to have to send her off and let go of our Steele side of the family for now.

The Big Move

2011-09-15T16:35:00.000-06:00

We made it to Washington late on a Thursday evening. We'd started out as soon as Devan got out of school Wednesday night and between having to stop for kids and dinner and minor car trouble and wrong turns, it took us 4 hours to go 200 miles. I'd wanted to drive most of the night while the kids were sleeping, but by the time midnight rolled around and Hannah still wasn't asleep yet, I needed to stop for the night.

Devan's sister Nicole came with us and she drove one car, I drove the van, and Devan drove the moving truck. I think we all felt like we had the hardest car to drive. Devan had to be in the big, loud, bumpy truck, Nicole's car had no air conditioning, and I had to entertain the two kids all by myself. And I had to stop to go to the bathroom literally once an hour. But we all persevered and did the last 650 miles in about 12 hours.

Friday morning we got checked into our apartment and unloaded the moving truck.

But then tragedy struck when we realized there was no way to get our couch up the stairs to our apartment! So, we sent it away to Renee and Mickey's house and Mickey has since fallen in love with it and bought it from us. I'm glad it's gone to a good home, but I'm still in mourning a little. It was the only piece of furniture I've ever truly loved.

Ben found this toothbrush in a box of garbage.

I got our bedroom and the kids bedroom unpacked the first day, but then I paid for it when I had to spend the whole evening in bed having contractions. I've been taking the moving in pretty slow since then. Mostly I've just been having trouble because of my limited ability to lift things or get under things or bend over, or really just stand up at all. But Devan and I are going to work hard tomorrow to get the last annoying things about the apartment taken care of. We'll see. You may get to see pictures soon, but realistically, probably not.

Books I Read May - August

2011-09-10T00:18:00.003-06:00

We're in getting settled in Washington. We've done some fun things that will be blogged about eventually. This post is just priming the pump. Devan's been working far too much. We got into town late on a Thursday night, we unloaded the moving truck on Friday and then he went to training for work on Saturday, had Sunday off and was to work on Monday. He's had the weekends off, and this week was only a 4 day week because of Labor Day. But still, in the 4 days he worked this week, he worked for 56 hours! He's been getting home right around the time the kids go to bed and leaving at 5 in the morning for work. When he's home, he's doesn't act like he's really here and even on the weekends, he's not quite himself. On the bright side, he's made half as much money in the last 3 weeks as he had in the first 8 months of the year, so I really shouldn't whine so much.

As for myself, I've been letting Hannah watch far too much Dora the Explorer and I've been spending all Ben's nap time in bed. I'm so ready to be done being pregnant. On the upside, I've been finding lots of time to read.

Since, I knew you were wondering, these are the books I've read since I reported last:

May

These books are addicting. I completed one a day for 3 days. I did little else for 50 hours but attend to the children’s most basic needs, read and sleep. These books are so intense that I got frustrated every time I had to take a break from reading for a minute. I was excited to start them because everyone I know who’s read them talks about how great they are. I’m not sure if I’d recommend this series to a friend though. They’re definitely entertaining and suspenseful, but they’re also full of evil people doing evil things. And after spending 3 days straight on the edge of my seat, when I was finally finished, I felt agitated and a unsettled inside. Having said all that, I’m super excited to see the movie when it comes out next year!

June

I read nothing. I was a little disgusted with myself for ignoring my kids so badly just to read a few novels. But by the end of the month, TV had slipped back in as an almost daily time waster. I realized that I'm going to neglect my kids a little everyday no matter what and almost anything I choose to read expands my mind more than anything I'd choose to watch on TV. I know this isn't true for everyone, but I make very poor TV choices. Like the Bachelorette. I mean, I watch the bachelorette. I don't know if she makes poor TV choices. I would assume so though.

July

This book examines the state of marriage in our world today. It discusses how throughout human history, marriage hasn’t just been about the happiness of two people, but the happiness of society. Married couples had a duty to their communities to make their marriages work and raise happy, productive families. Likewise, the community had a vested interest in making sure that marriages thrived. Beginning in the 1960s with the “no fault divorce,” this concept of marriage has been unraveling until now when society no longer feels it has a right to demand that couples do everything in their power to make their marriages work for the sake of the larger community. Maybe because of the generation in which I was raised, I’d never thought to view the success of my marriage as a responsibility I owe to my children and society. I’ve never wanted to get divorced, but in the back of my mind I always knew that was an option if my marriage became an unhappy one. As the years have passed, I've realized more and more what a tragedy divorce is.

Many times in the book, Hafen relates the parable of the Good Shepherd, found in John chapter 10 to marriage. Verses 11 and 12 read, “I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep.” He said that in every marriage wolves of adversity are going to come. Are we going to be as hirelings who flee when the wolves come or will we be as the Good Shepherd, who lays down his life for his sheep?

Roald Dahl is my very favorite children’s author. He wrote books such as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach, and Matida. Oh how I love him. This book is a collection of some of his boyhood recollections. It’s such a fun book, and his childhood experiences, like his books, are at times dark, but always funny and wittily told. My favorite was the story of how he went to the doctor about a throat issue, the doctor told him to open his mouth, and then proceeded to cut out his adenoids without the tiniest bit of anesthesia. Kids were tough back then. This is a short, easy, delightful read.

These are the first two books in a historical fiction trilogy about the time of Jesus' ministry. They're written by the same person who wrote the church history novels, The Work and the Glory, series. These books had an interesting and exciting plot line, but they also gave me a much deeper understand of and love for the gospels. I feel like I better understand the culture and land that produced the Messiah. I also have so much more respect for the men and women who gave up so much to follow the Savior.

August

This isn't a great picture. The author is Louisa May Alcott.

This is a lovely book. I started it in the beginning of January and finally finished it in August. I’m not sure why it took so long. It may have been that the words were in very small type and my eyes aren’t the best. Or it may have been that I didn’t understand all the references in it so I lost interest faster than I might have another book. Regardless, I enjoyed every page of this book. It was a delight to read. It made me want to be a better person and a better mother and to teach my children, especially my daughter, to be virtuous and beautiful.

This was a good book for me to read. I’m afraid of death. Not so much other people’s. My husband can’t even go to funerals because he doesn’t want to deal with death. I don’t have that problem, but I think about my own death a lot. I’m afraid of leaving my children alone. I’m afraid of what it will feel like to die. I get afraid every year as I feel my life slipping away. Morrie was able to accept death and welcome it peacefully. My favorite parts are when he talks about dreading not being able to wipe himself after using the bathroom. He talks about how it’s not such a bad thing, getting old. You get to feel what it’s like to be a baby again and be taken care of by your loved ones. That thought helps me. I hope that I can take good enough care of my children when they are young that they will take care of me in the same way one day.

Crucifixion was a bad, bad way to die. Probably the worst way to die I could imagine. Who could think up such a thing?

These are the first two out of five books in the sequel series to the Children of the Promise books I read in April. This is about the children of the characters in the Children of the Promise books who are growing up in the 1960s and 70s. The ‘60s seemed like angry, confused times. I’m glad I didn’t live back then.

A disturbing and wonderful book. I completely believe that, unchecked, man is naturally evil and capable of horrible things. The part this book leaves out is the part that gives me hope for mankind: that we do have a Redeemer who can somehow make up for all the wrong that we're inclined to do to each other.

This book sat on my shelf for a couple of years before I got the courage to read it. I’d loved Kidd’s first book, The Secret Life of Bees so I wanted to read her next book, but all I knew about it was that it was about a married woman who has an affair with a monk. I didn’t think that I would enjoy it based on the subject matter, but I really did. It was interesting the whole way through, but I was sure the whole time I was reading it that I was going to end up not liking it. But at the end everything turned out as it should and it gave me some good insights into marriage. One of my favorite passages is near the end, the main character thinks, “I felt amazed at the choosing one had to do, over and over, a million times daily – choosing love, then choosing it again, how loving and being in love could be so different.” I love that. It’s hard to choose love every day, but it’s so worth it.

So, that's what I've been doing with my "leisure" (read: lazy parenting) time. I've read a few more books in September so far, but I'm really hoping to welcome a new little man into my life this month who will significantly cut into my time for novels.

Our Last Week in Utah

2011-08-17T08:49:00.078-06:00

So, since I knew you were wondering, this is what we've been up to since we talked last.

Our last week in Utah

Friday: We began our packing for real. I'm so glad I started that early because it took so long and other things kept coming up. I spent 8 hours just packing up the kitchen! The kids went over to Nana and Papas for a few hours and we were able to both get work done without one of us having to stop to tend a child every few minutes. It was glorious. We also took a break and went on our last date in Utah to Cafe Rio. It too was glorious.

I shouldn't complain about the kids too much. They were a big help with the disassemble.

Saturday: We packed as much as we could in the morning and then went to Hannah's friend Xay's 2nd birthday party in the afternoon. I can't believe he's 2 already!

There was a pinata. Xay sure does know how to throw a party! Maybe his mom helped a little too, awesome lady that she is.

We left the party, ran a couple of errands and then met back up with Chad, Ashley and Stephanie for our last drive-in in Utah. We saw Captain America and Harry Potter, and I slept through parts of both of them. I'm getting too old for to be out that late.

Sunday: Morning was a little bit of a waste after being out until 1 in the morning, so we just did our best to get up, get everyone fed, and leave for church by 1. I also had a lesson I had to prepare for Relief Society. I'd been asked a few days before to substitute for the woman who was supposed to give the lesson. I was excited to do it, but I was also worried about it because it was such a busy week already. The girl who asked me to do it said she had someone else she could ask and gave me a timeframe to let her know if I couldn't do it. I thought about telling her I couldn't do it, but then I was running around so crazily that I kept forgetting to call. I was too busy to tell her I was too busy to do the lesson so I ended up doing it anyway. It was just what I needed though. The week before I'd been a basket case at church, I was spending the entire 3 hours wiping away tears. This week I was so nervous about having to teach that I didn't have time to cry. Before I went to give my lesson Devan said, "And you can even do a good job, because they can never ask you to teach again!"

At church we announced that we had to get rid of all the food in our standing freezer so we could defrost it, so we had a bunch of people come over after church to take it off our hands. That was another sad thing about moving with so little notice, we had to get rid of A LOT of food. I put it all out on the counter and 7 or 8 families came over and filled up grocery bags. There was probably 30 pounds of meat, and 20 different bags of fruits and vegetables and 15 fully-cooked freezer meals I'd made. I was so sad to get rid of all that food, but I was glad that our friends were going to be able to use it.

Sunday night we had a Bar-B-Que at the park with Devan's family. I was so nice to be able to sit and talk and say goodbye and I'm glad Hannah had a chance to play with her cousins one last time.

Ben with Uncle Jordan

Nana

Auntie Colie

Ben with a cup

Monday: We packed and ran errands and then that evening some of our friends had a BBQ to say goodbye. It was so much fun!

Sudweeks

Steeles

Rasmussens

Grillmaster Fish

and Mrs. Fish

Not pictured are the Edwards and the Moores, but they were there and it was great. It nearly broke my heart to say goodbye at the end of the night, but I'm happy we got to take a break from all the craziness and have some fun.

Tuesday: Loading day. It was a crazy, crazy day because we decided that morning to find a different apartment than the one we were planning to move into. We'd been told by a few people that the area that we were going to be moving to wasn't a very good area, but then Monday night my mom called and said she'd talked to her cop friend and he said that it was the worst area we could move to. So, instead of finishing my packing, I spent 5 hours on the phone Tuesday morning researching and applying for a new apartment. It worked out and we got into a nice place, but I wanted to kill myself while it was going on.

Wednesday: We cleaned all day. The kids helped.

We cleaned and loaded the cars and ran errands right up until the minute Devan had to go to school that evening. Then the kids were kind enough to fall asleep so I could get some last minute paperwork done that comes when you decide to move into an apartment with 48 hours notice. I visited a couple of friends and was ready to drive off when Devan got home at 7:00.

Even today, a week and a half later, I can't look at these pictures of our empty home without wanting to cry just a little.

I made it a whole 200 miles out of town before I had to stop for the night or die. It seemed like a bit of a waste to pay for a hotel that close to home, but it probably helped to get a few miles behind us Wednesday night.

Moving Blues

2011-08-11T17:50:00.000-06:00

I'm having a hard time deciding how to spend my last week in Utah. I'm so sad to be leaving and so I want to do all the fun things we can before we leave. Then there's so much packing and sorting to do and I've barely started. I'm determined to have an organized move this time and not roll into Washington with a truck full of boxes labeled "miscellaneous" and "stuff." Trying to pack during the day when I'm alone with the kids is kind of a lesson in futility. I'm sure that for every item I put in a box, they'd be in another room pulling two things out. Then there's all the paperwork involved in moving. I've spent hours over the last couple of days on the phone. Canceling our gas and electric, transferring power to our new house, finding out who the power company is at our new house. Finding out how to cancel or transfer my gym and zoo memberships. Transferring internet. Finding someone in Washington to catch my baby for me in 8 weeks. Getting a refund from my old midwife and getting a copy of my medical records. Applying for, signing a lease on, and sending in a deposit and first month's rent for a duplex I've never seen. Changing my address with everyone and their dog that we've ever done business with. I have to go to the library and return some books before they send me to collections. I have to somehow use up or give away the 3 weeks of food I have in my standing freezer. Then defrost said standing freezer. Meanwhile, diapers still need to be changed, meals need to be made, dishes need to be done, ground up crackers need to be vacuumed off the floor. Playdates need to be kept since in 6 more days Hannah won't have a single friend in the world. We need to deep clean this apartment and unclog our toilet that we've been ignoring for 6 months. Our car hasn't started without having the battery jumped for about a week, so we need to figure that out before driving it 850 miles. I want to let Hannah play with her friends as much as possible and I want to play with my friends as much as possible. I want to spend time with girlfriends and couple friends and family. I want to go on a date with my husband before we arrive in Washington on Thursday night and he starts work on Saturday morning. I want to have some fun family experiences for us to remember Utah by. I want to go camping one last time. And ice skating.

But with all that bouncing around in my head, if you asked me any minute of the day what I really want to do right then, I'd say go to bed.

I know that I'm not going to be able to do everything I want to do before we leave and the the things I do get done I probably won't do as well as I'd like to. I'm going to do what I can and try not to leave with any regrets. Meanwhile, I'm counting the days until I feel settled again.

Here are some of the things we've been doing as we attempt to say goodbye to our home.

Tuesday I took the kids swimming during the day. I've missed swimming so much this summer, but I never figured out how to take 3 kids swimming by myself, especially when Ben and Rebecca were both so young. Monday was our first day without Rebecca so we've been taking advantage of the pool while we can.

Hananh waiting "patiently" for me and Ben to get in the pool.

Hannah crying when it was time to go home.

Ben didn't mind going home. He had whale squirt guns!

Yesterday we went to our weekly playgroup at the playground at our apartment complex. That's one of the biggest things I'm going to miss when we move. At one point I think there were 8 young moms with their kids. Never again in my life will I be in a situation where I can walk outside my home and have so many friends for my kids and myself. Oh how I love it here!

Ben does such a great job when we go to the park. At that age Hannah would have wanted me to follow her around and play with her, but Ben goes right up to where the other kids are and plays.

Last night I went to a craft night a friend put on. We made these beautiful temple pictures. You could pick any temple you want and then we painted the frames and antiqued the pictures ourselves. I love the way it turned out. I'm waiting until we get into our new house to hang it, but I'm glad I got to make one before we left Utah.

This morning first thing when we woke up we went to the zoo. It gets into the 90s in the middle of the day and pregnant Alex gets MEAN in the heat, so we don't go out much during the day. But last night before bed I decided we'd go first thing in the morning and hopefully miss a little bit of the heat. We got there a little before 10, which was later than I wanted to go, but it was still fun.

We started at the playground, which we'd missed last time we were at the zoo.

I love this picture because both Hannah and the little chipmunk are eating their little snacks and watching each other.

There wasn't even anything in this cage, but Ben got really excited. It was so cute!

Hannah said, "This gorilla is mean. He's making a face like this..."

This was about the end of our trip to the zoo. Even with a leash Hannah was having a hard time staying with us and Ben was too hot and needed a nap.

We've had a really fun week despite the stress of moving. It's been so nice to be able to go out during the day with just my own two kids. I'm going to try to enjoy only having to take out two kids while I can.

Draper Temple

2011-08-09T20:34:00.004-06:00

Last night, for family home evening, we decided to take one last trip to "our" temple in Draper. Temples aren't open on Mondays so the gates were closed, but we had fun walking around and playing a little on the outer grounds.

I wanted a nice picture of Ben and Hannah together by the flowers. Right before I took it, Devan took out Ben's binky and Ben threw a fit. He's so dramatic. When something doesn't go his way he puts his head on the ground and cries. It makes me laugh every time.

This is the best we were able to get of the two of them. Ben still has tears in his eyes.

Hannah kept getting in time out for trying to run away into the street. She's in time out for real here, but the look is totally staged. Devan told her to "hang her head in shame."

Ben and Hannah made a friend.

And Dad tried to take a nap.

Hannah spent about a half hour "balancing" next to these little gardens.

Ben tried his best to keep up

We had such a nice evening. While we were there I realized that it had been almost exactly a year since we'd taken the kids to visit the Draper Temple. I just looked back at our pictures from last year. Click here to see them. I can't believe how little they were back then.

Girl's Weekend

2011-08-08T15:48:00.001-06:00

Devan and Ben went on our stake father/sons campout last weekend, leaving Hannah and I with 24 hours of girl party! Friday evening, we went with our friends to see Kung Fu Panda 2 at the dollar theater. It was so cute!

After the movie we walked around the mall for a bit and stopped in a fancy little girl dress shop. I got a tiney tiny poofy little dress for the baby shower we were going to the next day.

Then Dawn introduced us to the Sweet Tooth Fairy. It's the cutest little cupcake and cookie bakery. I got a chocolate peanut butter cupcake blended with vanilla ice cream into a shake. It was amazing. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for days.

Then we went home and I tried to crash while Hannah watched Dora the Explorer. She'd napped at 5:00 that night so I don't think she fell asleep until around 2 in the morning. I had a really hard time sleeping too. I kept waking up in a panic and wondering where Ben was.

The next morning we went to Devan's cousin April's baby shower. The car ride down was 5 Steele girls: Nana, Aunt Nicole, Aunt Cheryl, Hannah, and I. It was such a nice shower. She got tons of cute things and the food was amazing. Aunt Gina did a great job. There were 5 different kinds of sandwiches, one of which had Nutella on it. What could be better?

I didn't bring my camera, but Aunt Vynette did. She and I had a conversation at the family reunion about how annoying it is when people steal your pictures, but I'm going to take the chance that she doesn't read my blog and do it anyway. Here are a few pictures from the party (illegally lifted from Facebook.)

April and Ben, the parents-to-be. Their little girl Suvie is due the beginning of September.

Our Nana, Jolynn, and Nicole

Nicole, Hannah, me and Aunt Cheryl. Cheryl usually looks much prettier than in this picture, but I included it anyway because it makes me look better.

By the time we got home. Ben and Dad were home from their camping trip. Devan failed to take any pictures while they were there, but he said Ben did great and hardly cried at all.

Ben's Birthday Ice Cream

2011-08-06T22:13:00.000-06:00

Devan had class the night of Ben's actual birthday, but when he got done at 8 we went to Neilsen's, our favorite place for frozen custard. Custard makes the creamiest, most delicious ice cream on the plant. I will miss it so much when we have to leave.

Oh Benjamin, I love you so much. I hate how quickly this year has gone by. I hate to think that I may only have a few more months left of you being my cuddly baby. You are such a pleasant, happy boy. I can't imagine how empty my life would be without you.

Changes

2011-08-06T14:21:00.000-06:00

We're moving. To Washington. In 11 days. I'm excited and completely heartbroken at the same time. I'm not sure if that's even possible, but I just thought you all should know.

Babies Under the Sea

2011-08-05T23:31:00.001-06:00

Ben turned one for real last week. Luckily all the practice partying at my mom's house last month had me prepared to throw THE MOST AWESOME ONE YEAR OLD PARTY EVER! Maybe it wasn't the most awesome, maybe I just spend way too much time online finding other people's ideas to steal.

Let me get the decorations and food out of the way first, since they were responsible for 3 nights of very little sleep and for me saying a few pretty serious swear words while we were setting up.

I'll give you the same warning Devan gave our guests before eating, "Although it all looks like sea creatures, don't be confused, it's food."

We ate normal hotdogs for lunch, but these "octopus hotdogs" were too cute of an idea to not make a few.

Peanut Butter and Jellyfish sandwiches!

Fish food. You can't tell, but the blue jello has a little toy fish suspended in it. Also featured are Swedish fish and goldfish crackers in a fish bowl.

Shark Chow

Sea Vegetables, guarded by a bell pepper octopus

Sandcastle cake surrounded by an ocean of fish cupcakes.

And lest we forget, the water bottles reminded us that it was Ben's Baby Beach Party. And I made sure to put some sippy cups in the cooler too so all the babies would feel comfortable.

The kids had a fun time playing in the sand...

and in the surf.

We had a cooler full of ice, which is guaranteed to keep me and Ben happy no matter what's going on.

Ben got very serious when everyone started singing to him.

We couldn't get the candle lit, so we faked it.

Ben was enjoying his cake, but, like the meanest-mom-in-the-world I am, I pulled him away to open his presents.

When all the presents were open, the party got much more peaceful. The babies all played with the new toys...

And the big kids took the goodie bags and played with their new sand toys.

And I sat and talked to my friends.

Fun Stuff

2011-08-02T22:23:00.000-06:00

One night I was home alone with the kids and I was exhausted. It wasn't bedtime yet, but for some reason that I can't remember, I felt like I really deserved a 20 minute nap. I dozed off to for a couple of minutes and when I woke up I discovered they'd gotten into the cupcakes. I'd wondered why they were being so quiet...

It was so worth it to get those 10 minutes of sleep though. I've become a huge believer in power naps the last few months. I've learned that if I can just get myself fall asleep for even 3 or 4 minutes, I can last for hours after that.

Two Saturdays ago we took our kids and Hannah's friend from across the hall to the zoo.

Hannah keeps talking about the "dinosaur rex" at the zoo.

I just realized there aren't very many pictures of the girls. They were all over the place and wouldn't stand still for a moment. I think next trip to the zoo we'll bring leashes. It was a fun day, but it was in the high 90s and I was dying. I'm too pregnant these days!

The next Friday I was still cranky from the heat, so the minute Rebecca got picked up I got everyone in the car and made Devan drive us somewhere cool. We drove up a canyon and ate a picnic dinner.

It was maybe a little more stressful than it was worth. Both the kids pooped 2 times in the 45 minutes we were there and I got 5 mosquito bites despite using large amounts of bug spray. But it was so nice to get out of the heat. And I greatly enjoyed the 30 minute drive each way. How wrong is it that sometimes I like the children best when they're strapped in their cars eats not making any noise? But getting out of the house dramatically helped my mood.

Sunday was Pioneer Day, which is a state holiday. Everyone with good jobs got Monday off, so I didn't have to babysit and I refused to let Devan go to work. I was, surprisingly enough, too hot, so when Hannah asked to go to the park, I insisted on a park with water.

It may not have been as hot out as I thought because neither of the kids wanted to spend much time in the water. I'd walk Ben in and as soon as he started to get wet he turned right around.

That night I had Devan blow up a ton of water balloons and we went outside to play with our friends. This is how he repaid me for planning a fun evening.

I was angry in that picture. He hit me HARD in the STOMACH.

Hannah and her best friend!

And that was July.