November Field Trip

For our November Preschool Field Trip we went to Northwest Trek. We had so much fun, but it was cold! It worked out that I didn't have to bring Ben, which made things a lot easier. He's just a little too young for Northwest Trek anyway.

The theme of the month of November was "Northwest Animals." During the tram ride Hannah kept saying she had antlers. I'm pretty sure she learned that in school.

The antler moments were possibly the only happy parts of the tram ride. She spent the whole time whining and crying that Teacher Nancy wasn't in the same car as us. I told her that there were too many people to fit in one car so some people had to ride in the second car. She cried and said, "But there's an empty seat right there!"As soon as the ride was over, she ran up ahead of me and grabbed Teacher Nancy's hand and held it tight.

I think preschool has been so good for her. She loves her teacher so much. Sometimes I'm at home trying to get her to do something, like put on her coat and she says, "Cause Teacher Nancy wouldn't like it if I didn't wear a coat?" She wants so much to please Teacher Nancy.

I'm having such a hard time because she loves school and I think that the stability of preschool has been really good for her with everything that's been changing at home. But I don't know if I can keep up the demands of preschool. Sad, huh? I'm really debating taking her out of school. 

The preschool is a co-op, which is really cool because it's parent run. The teacher is the only paid position and Nancy has been the teacher for many years. I was really excited to be involved in something that required so much parental involvement, but now that baby is here and my life is turned upside down, it's a little too much parental involvement.

We have to help in the class 2-3 times a month, getting there early to help set up the class and then cleaning up when class is over. This takes about 3 and a half hours total. And you're BUSY the whole time. So, with drive time, that's over 4 hours when it's not possible for me to feed Joshua. I felt like my chest was going to explode by the time I was done working last week. Younger siblings aren't allowed in the class because of insurance reasons. I've worked it out with another parent with a toddler to trade babysitting there in another room at the preschool, which will be great, but that means that I'm going to have to be at the school at least once a week for the rest of the year either as the parent helper, or watching the littlier kids. In addition to working in the classroom, we have 3 fundraisers a year that we have minimum amounts that we have to sell. We also have to have a committee position. Mine is working on our "fun fair" fundraiser in March, so work for that will begin in January. We're also affiliated with Bates Technical College, so we have to get "parent education credits." One way to get these credits is to go to parenting classes at Bates one evening a month.

I know that it might not sound like too much in terms of hours, 4 hours a week, plus 1 evening a month in class, plus any other committee and fundraising work, but for me right now, it's a lot. If Hannah was my youngest it might not be as big of a deal, but when I have two babies who can't walk downstairs, I feel like just leaving my third floor apartment is a big deal.

Ugh! I'm such a whiner. I want to do what's best for Hannah, but I also want to do what's best for me. I know that as mothers we need to take time to take care of ourselves, but I also know that sometimes we just need to suck it up and do what's best for our children. I don't know which time this is.

And then there are the little boys to think about. I had such a hard time nursing Ben and I think that it's because I tried to do too much too fast after he was born. I was always running around doing something, trying to push back his feeding time as long as I could. I don't want to do that to Joshua. I don't want to put the needs of one child over the needs of another. My midwife Charlene told me to really take it easy the first 6 months or so. She said with how anemic I was, my body needs lots of time to recover. She said recommended I don't accept any demanding callings and not to spend too much time driving all over the place. She said to think of taking care these 3 kids as my full-time job. She said that when women get busy and stressed, their milk supply tends to drop. This was a tough pill for me to swallow. I don't want to feel like I'm being lazy, the days when I don't have anything outside of the house to do, I stay in my pajamas all day and forget to bush my teeth. Haiving responibilities and appointments is good for me. But I also don't want to do so much that I'm exhausted and irritable all the time. But at the same time, I worry about Hannah getting the attention she needs. The babies take so much of my time and energy. I want her to have a place to go where she can learn and grow as a person.

I don't know what the answer is. I know that I need to pray about it, but I'm afraid to. I know I won't like whatever answer I get. I don't want to have preschool take up that much of my life, but I also don't want Hannah to have to leave her teacher and her friends. Ugh....this wasn't where this post was supposed to end up, but thanks for giving me the chance to vent.

Joshua

Since we don't know much about Joshua yet, other than that he's beautiful, here are lots and lots of pictures of our sweet little "Joshy."

This is his "1 month" picture. I plan on doing one every month with his baby Tigger. This one was about a week late.

And now, pictures from the last few weeks...

2 weeks 5 days old

3 weeks 1 day

3 weeks 2 days. Hannah still hasn't kicked the binky-stealing habit. And yes, my children are STILL never fully dressed.

4 weeks

At the park.

3 weeks 6 days. At a checkup at our midwife, Charlene's house. He weighed in at 10 pounds 8 ounces.

4 weeks

4 weeks 2 days

4 weeks 4 days

4 weeks 5 days.

I love this boy so much. I don't know how I ever lived without him.

The Halls are Decked

We decorated our tree the day after Thanksgiving this year. We wanted to be able to enjoy it for as long as possible. I have to say, I feel a little like a Grinch, but I love my fake tree so much. Before we had it, I'd stress every year about shelling out $40 for a live one and we'd put it off until the week before Christmas. Or, we wouldn't spend any money at all, and on December 23rd, we'd pull the tree our neighbor caught on fire out of the dumpster and display that in our home. True story - our first Christmas we were married.

Hannah was so excited! I love that she totally gets Christmas this year and she kept remembering and talking about things we did last year. All day yesterday and today she's been asking, "Is it still Christmas time?" She's been waiting for it for so long, I think she's scared it will be over quickly.  

Devan told her to show us how excited she was. Not the best face she's ever made.

Mom, Kory, and Renee came over and I made my traditional, day-after-Thanksgiving soup. For any former roommates who remember my turkey soup, I can assure you, it's improved over the years.

Usually I'm so weird about decorating the tree. I want the ornaments all arranged perfectly. This year I didn't care at all. I just unpacked them and reminisced about where each ornament came from and I let the kids put them wherever they wanted. And, I haven't gone back and rearranged them when they weren't looking. The more busy and tired I get, the less of a control freak I am. I'm realizing that I like that version of myself better.

Hannah is fascinated by the nativity scene. Putting up the nativity scene was my job when I was a girl, too. She keeps getting in trouble for playing with them, but I'm already telling myself that I won't get mad at her when a piece gets broken. I won't, I won't, I won't. Just have to keep repeating it to myself.

After the tree was decorated, we made candy cane cookies. Actually, when I say "we," I mean everyone but me and Devan. He went to the store for fudge ingredients, and I went to work stringing lights around the living room. I have a great love for Christmas lights. Every year I want to hang them all over in the house, but Devan never lets me. He says doesn't want all the holes in the walls, but I think it's also the work of hanging them that he wants to avoid. So, I started hanging them while he was gone, and when he got home, he got impatient watching me and took over. I think I won all around there. 

We put Ben in his high chair with his dough and he tried to roll out the dough. I love how he copies anything we do.

So cute, I could die!

After cookies we watched Elf and ate cookies. "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."

The finished product. These pictures were totally staged after the kids went to bed. If they're awake, the ornaments are scattered through every room in the house, and my living room floor is covered in a blanket of fake snow.

I love Christmas! Pulling out my decorations every year, as corny as it sounds, is like revisiting old friends. I love that Hannah loves Christmas so much too. She never wants us to turn off the lights. This morning she brought me over to the tree and wanted me to sit on the floor with her and just look at the Christmas tree. I love her.

And this is random, but also from our tree decorating day. You remember how I said she's been talking a lot about the babies she's going to have? This is her with a baby in her stomach.

Scary, huh?

Benjamin

Ben is my easy child. Now that I have Joshua who is a little more work, I'm realizing that I just got really lucky with baby Ben. He really didn't cry much as a newborn. As I result, I think I didn't spend as much time with him as a baby as I did with Hannah and Joshua. I can remember sneaking away to feed him during church on Sundays and realizing that this was probably the only time all week I'd just sat and enjoyed my new baby. I think I'm still trying to make up for that.

Ben says no words. I read the other day that they are supposed to say about 5 words by 18 months, and Ben isn't quite 16 months yet, but I'm still getting anxious for him to talk. He understands everything we say. The other day he was playing with a bear of Hannah's that says a few phrases. When the bear said, "Give me a hug!" Ben gave it a hug!

He wants to be independent so badly. If I give him his dinner and forget a fork, he won't eat and motions to my fork until I get him one.

He is still a climber. Everyday I hear, "Mom! Ben's standing on the table again!" He knows he's not supposed to, too. He gets up there and when I scold him, he laughs and dances.

He loves his baby brother. Sometimes he gets too worked up and hits him, but then I tell him to be gentle and almost every time, he starts gently petting the baby.

He's going through a biting stage right now. Usually it's when something is frustrating him or when he gets too tired. I wish he would start talking so he could express himself better.

He wishes  he was big like Hannah. He gets sad when we drop her off at preschool or nursery. He wants to play with all the toys and kids too.

Last week we went to the park while Hannah was at school. I think this was the first time in his life he'd gone to the park without Hannah. I was impressed that before he could even walk, he enjoyed going to the park. He would crawl up on the playground equipment and try to play with the other kids. This time at the park, he just wandered around and didn't really try to go on any of the toys. I had to keep picking him up and putting him on the slides. Then I realized that it was because he didn't have Hannah to follow around. He's lost without her.

He loves things like this at every park we go to. He likes to work with his hands and put things in their proper place.

Usually, Ben goes in this car with Hannah. He got in, and patted the seat next to him. I sat down and rocked with him for a couple of minutes. When I stood up, he patted the seat again and I sat back down. This probably happened 5 times.

A little girl who was 2 weeks older than Ben came a few minutes later and then he had more fun because he could follow her around. They climbed up the stairs and went down the slide and swung on swings together.

I love this little boy so much. He's such a fun little brother and such a sweet big brother. I love that I'm getting a little time with just Ben every week while Hannah is in school.

Thanksgiving 2011

What a wonderful day we've had. Devan described it as "hectic" but then I asked, "What day isn't hectic for us?" and he had to agree. We first went to my Uncle Randy's house to spend Thanksgiving with the Smith side of the family. It was a lovely, delicious dinner and we all had a wonderful time. Then later in the afternoon we went over to my mom's house and had a second Thanksgiving dinner with her side of the family. And of course, I had to eat a full dinner at both houses. It was all too wonderful to pass up.

I'm probably vain, but my favorite part of the day was how cute my kids were! I stayed up way too late for 3 nights making them turkey shirts to wear today. I love the way they turned out. I felt irresponsible staying up too late and not getting the sleep I need, but I was so tired of feeling like I was just doing the bare minimum in my life. It felt nice to do something a little extra for the holiday. And getting to sit and sew and watch TV all by myself for 3 nights was a luxury I haven't experienced much lately. I know that someday I'll get the hang of having 3 small children, but that day is not today. That day may not be until one of them is in school.

They look so awkward in this picture, but so cute!

I think he's crying because he thinks we're going to eat him. Not this year, buddy!

Great Grandma with baby Joshua

Ben's favorite part was the dip.

My cousin Holly, who will be having her own baby boy in 3 weeks!

Hannah's Thanksgiving dinner.

Ben's Thanksgiving dinner

Hannah and Aunt Dena.

My little turkey.