Introducing...

Joshua Devan Steele

October 20, 2011

3:35 AM

9 pounds 2 ounces

20 inches long

These are all pictures from the first 3 hours.

 

Joshua's Birth Story

I was lying in bed at 6 in the morning on October 19^th. Devan had left for work just a few minutes before. I suddenly realized that my pants felt a little damp. I got up and confirmed that my water had broken, but it was only a couple of tablespoons worth of fluid. I called Devan and told him to let his boss know that he would probably have to leave work early. Ben was already awake, so I laid down with him and tried to go back to sleep. Eventually he messed with Hannah enough to wake her up, so we got up and started our day. We ate breakfast and played for a little bit and after I put Ben down for his morning nap I called the midwife to let her know that my water had broken. I talked to her assistant, Kat, and she asked me some questions about it. I was having some uncomfortable contractions by this point, but they weren’t very close together. Kat said the contractions would probably pick up sometime between then and that evening.

Hannah already had plans to go to the library with Renee and Mickey, so she left at about 9:30. They kept her most of the day, which was great. Ben took his two naps, which totaled over 3 hours. It was a good day. I tried to take a nap, but I was only able to doze off for about 10 minutes. The rest of the time I tried to clean the house and get everything ready for baby. The contractions came closer together when I was up working, but when I rested they slowed down so I knew I wasn’t very far along in my labor.

At about 3:00 I called Devan to see when he’d be off work. The contractions were coming about 10 minutes apart. I told him I’d probably be okay alone with the kids for another 2 hours, but not another 5 hours. We were lucky and they quit at about 5:00 and he was home by 5:30. By this point the contractions were at 7 minutes apart.

One of my biggest fears this pregnancy was that I would go into labor when I was home alone with the kids. I was afraid that I’d be in pain and snapping at them and they’d be climbing all over me. A couple of weeks ago I was upset about the way the pregnancy was going and how long we were having to wait for the baby to come. I asked Devan to give me a blessing. The thing that stood out most was that he said that I’d be able to be calm when I felt like there was no way out. I kept thinking about that all day. A couple of times I felt the panic rising, but I was able to remember that I’d been blessed to feel calm, and I was.

The only time that I feel like it was difficult for the kids to be around me when I was in labor happened after Devan got home from work. I was having a contraction and it felt better to walk through it, so I was walking in a circle through the living room. Hannah decided she needed me right then and started chasing me and I had to yell for Devan to keep her away from me. But when it was over I was able to hold her and she seemed fine.

We got the kids ready to go and brought them over to my dad’s to spend the night. Then we left and went to the grocery store. All day long I’d been wanting to go on a walk to help move baby down, but I hadn’t wanted to drag Ben out of the house. It was nice to be able to walk at the store. Then we were hungry and we needed gas so we went to Costco. By the time we got into Costco, the contractions were getting painful enough that I couldn’t walk through them anymore. We tried to get a piece of pizza at Costco, but we didn’t have enough cash, so we just walked around the store for a while and then went to Subway for sandwiches.

We got home and the house still needed some cleaning done so we spent about an hour and got everything perfect. I’d already vacuumed once that day, but it needed it again. I kept telling Devan that it was so nice to clean and know that it was going to stay clean for at least a day because the kids weren’t here. Even now, a whole day later, my living room is still clean because the kids have hardly been home.

We were able to get everything put away and cleaned (even dusted!) before I felt like I needed to stop and rest. We turned off the light and went to bed and I watched TV and timed contractions. I started the hour with them coming at around every 6 minutes apart, but after about an hour of lying in bed, they had slowed to every 10 minutes again. I decided I needed to get up and be active to move things along. I went in the living room and worked on relaxing through a few contractions. I’m always amazed at how much work and concentration it takes to deal with pain like that. I was doing fine and then one hit me while I was walking that I wasn’t prepared for. I dropped to my hands and knees and made noise and woke Devan up. I felt bad because he’d just fallen asleep, but not really that bad. I knew it was going to be a long night for both of us.

I got in the bathtub and he sat in the bathroom and timed contractions for about an hour. They were coming every 4 to 6 minutes apart and they were lasting about a minute each. After about an hour we decided it was time to page my midwife, Charlene since she had a 45 minute drive to make. She called us right back and said she’d be on her way. She asked if we thought she needed to hurry or if she had a little time to get ready. We said she had a little time.

Kat, Charlene’s assistant, arrived first. By this time, I’d gotten out of the tub and was sitting in bed. The contractions were really painful by this point and I was moaning through them. Kat said I was probably getting close to the end. I said I hoped so, but I wasn’t sure. It was interesting, because all though my labor, the pains weren’t nearly as intense as they’d been when I had Ben. With Ben I felt all the pain in my back and Devan had to push on my back with every contraction for 12 hours. I also felt sick a lot of the time when I was laboring with Ben. I remember the midwives kept trying to get me to drink and I didn’t want to and by the end of labor I was so exhausted. This time I felt fine in between contractions. I’d also been really careful to take a drink whenever it was offered to me and ask for lots of water and juice. I was surprised that I felt good enough to be able to talk and laugh with Kat when I wasn’t having a contraction. I was sure that meant that I wasn’t very close to the end.

Charlene got there a little while later, at about 1:30 am. She walked in during a contraction and I was being very “vocal“ about it. They listened to the baby’s heart rate and said that it was dropping quite a bit during contractions, but going right back up to normal after. Charlene checked to see how much I was dilated. She said she wouldn’t normally do that, but since his heart rate was dropping she had to know how much longer we had left.

I was dilated to a 7. I knew that meant that I was about to go through transition. The first stage of labor lasts the longest and that’s when the cervix dilates from 1 to 10 centimeters. The second stage of labor is the pushing stage. The period when you go from about 7 to 10 centimeters is called transition. It lasts about an hour and the contractions are really intense and really close together. It’s the period when I really lost it with Ben too. I thought I was ready for it this time and I knew that when it hurt the worst and I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore that it would be almost over. The problem that arose this time was when she checked my dilation, she felt the baby’s head and discovered he was posterior. So, his head was down, but if he’d come out that way, he would have been born facing up rather than down. This can also make for a much more painful labor and a longer pushing stage.

After she checked me and told me he was posterior, the contractions became unmanageable. I was screaming by the end of the next one. My idea that I only had another hour left went out the window. I threw up 4 times during the next contraction and my water broke the rest of the way and gushed all over. Charlene said we needed to do some things to get him turned, but I thought it was going to take forever and that he was going to be stuck and never come out. The next hour of contractions were the most unbelievable pain. I was screaming and thrashing. Poor Kat kept needing to listen to the heartbeat during the contraction, but I wouldn’t stay still. The other assistant, Diane used a technique called riboso (I think.) I got on my hands and knees and she wrapped a big cloth around my abdomen and stood behind me and pulled the cloth to wiggle my tummy back and forth. It actually made the pain a little better. They also put some homeopathic remedy under my tongue that was supposed to get the baby to turn.

Sometime during this time, Devan had called my mom and my aunt to come over. My mom came right while I was in the middle of transition. She tried to come and say hello and pat my arm, but I was completely out of it. Devan said, “You shouldn’t touch her or you’ll get yelled at.” She spent a lot of the transition in the living room trying not to pass out. I don’t think that I could deal with ever seeing Hannah in that much pain.

During every contraction I was freaking out and saying that I couldn’t do it anymore. I begged Devan to take me away and make the pain stop. I seriously wished that I would die so that I wouldn’t hurt anymore. Finally Charlene said, “This seems like it’s really hard for you. Do you want to go to the hospital and get an epidural?” I’d really been thinking I needed to, but then as soon as she said that, I thought of having to walk down the stairs and ride in the car to the hospital, screaming in pain the whole time and I knew I couldn’t do that either. We’d talked a few minutes before about changing positions and someone suggested getting in the bathtub, so while I was trying to decide whether I was going to stay or go, one of the assistants came in and said the bath was ready. I had one more contraction that I didn’t handle well and Devan finally grabbed me and said, “Stop! You need to breath.” That woke me up a little bit and I was able to get up and walk to the bathroom.

I got in the bath and right away felt so much better. The very next contraction I felt a ton of pressure and I started pushing, which made the contraction hurt so much less. I didn’t tell anyone that I felt the urge to push, because I didn’t know whether or not it was time to push. With Hannah I had an epidural so I never got to even feel the contractions while I was pushing. They would watch the monitors and tell me when I was having a contraction and then I would push. With Ben they saw some bulging and told me I could start pushing, but it took a few contractions before I really felt like I needed to push. It was so amazing this time having my body tell me when I needed to push the baby out. And looking back, those last few contractions when I was screaming and freaking out in the bedroom, it was probably already time to push, but I just couldn’t tell because I was so emotional.

Meanwhile, Devan and Charlene were still in the bedroom talking about what we should do. Charlene asked him if I needed to go to the hospital. She said they needed to respect my wishes if I really wanted to go. Devan said that I was begging to go to the hospital right before I had Ben too. He said he thought that it just meant that the baby was going to come really soon. Charlene told him the next day that he should become an EMT or something because he’s really good at staying calm in an emergency situation.

I pushed through about 3 contractions before I told anyone I was pushing. Kat kept monitoring the baby during contractions and his heart rate kept dropping during contractions. But, we could tell by the heartbeat that the baby had turned. Before, the heart rate sounded faint and far away, but after they did the things to turn him, it was loud and right at the surface. It was so amazing that it worked that quickly.

I told them I was pushing and Charlene asked Devan how long it usually took me to push my babies out. She said that if it wasn’t quick enough we were probably still going to have to transfer to a hospital because of how much his heart rate was dropping. This was so scary. I’d gotten through the worst of it and I could feel that he was so close to being out. I did NOT want to go to the hospital after making it through everything else. They put some oxygen on me. I told someone they needed to get my mom and Renee in to watch. I pushed through a couple more contractions and said, “He’s really close!” He was crowning and then next contraction he was out. It was amazing. There’s nothing in the world like that feeling. One second there’s unbelievable pressure and pain and the next second it’s completely over and it was immediately all worth it.

Charlene quickly went to work unwrapping the cord from around his neck. We’d known from the ultrasound that his umbilical cord was around his neck and Charlene said that about 25% of the babies she delivered had a cord around their neck, so it was fairly common. When he came out, we were surprised to find that it was wrapped around his neck 5 times. Charlene said she’d never seen a baby with the cord wrapped that many times. She put him on my chest and he was blue and hadn’t started breathing yet. She rubbed him and told me to talk to him. It only took about 7 seconds and then he started breathing. It felt like forever. They got him some oxygen and I sat in the water and held him for a couple of minutes. Devan cut the umbilical cord after it had stopped pulsing. Then they told Devan to take his shirt off and hold the baby to give him some good skin to skin contact. Devan took him in the bedroom and held him. They had me stand up and push the placenta out. This was a new experience for me too. In the past, the doctor or midwife kneaded at my stomach until the placenta detached. It was much more pleasant to just push a little and have it fall out.

I went in the bedroom and they did all their post delivery checking. I tried to nurse a little bit and then they weighed him and did examinations on both of us. Charlene had mom and Renee cook up some eggs so I had some good protein right away. The midwife and her assistants ended up staying for about 3 hours after the birth. They arrived 2 hours before the birth.

All morning I kept saying to Devan, "We did it. I can't believe we did it." And he would say, "You did it. I didn't do anything." And in a way that's true. He learned this time not to try to touch me without me asking and not to talk to me while I was having a contraction. But it was his silent support the whole time that got me through it. Through my worst contractions I'd reach out and squeeze his hand and loving him so much got me through it. Sometimes I get mad that he can be so unemotional, but he's my rock. I'd never have been able to survive that day, and I'd never be able to survive so many of the speedbumps I encounter in my life without him.

This birth was such a miracle. I’m so grateful that I had such a skilled midwife. I know that between the posterior position and the heart rate dropping because of the cord wrap that if I’d been in a hospital I’d have had a C-section. It’s a touchy subject because I know that lots of people do have necessary C-sections and I’m so grateful that the technology is there to save babies when it is needed. However, in this case, we didn’t need it, but I know that they wouldn’t have been willing to wait and see in a hospital. As hard as this labor was, I’m just so grateful that 48 hours later I’m sitting in my own bed with my baby and not laying in a hospital bed with staples in my stomach.

It was so amazing to was able to walk from the bathroom where I gave birth to my own bed and lay there until everyone left at around 6:30am. Then Devan, Joshua, and I went to sleep. The sleep only lasted about 2 hours, but after the 24 hours I’d had before, I was happy to take whatever sleep I could get.

Terry's Berries

Hannah's class took a field trip yesterday to a local organic farm. I was really grumbling the night before about having to go, but we had a great time.

Hannah and Ben with some of Hannah's friends from school. 

Someone bumped Ben and he was not happy.

First the kids got to take a hayride to the other side of the farm.

Ben only made it halfway. He stood up and had to be carried the rest of the trip.

When the truck stopped, the kids each got to dig for carrots. Then we went to another area and picked apples. 

Then we ate some raspberries off their bushes. Then we gathered lettuce and broccoli to feed to the chickens.

Teacher Nancy helped Hannah hold it so the chickens could eat it.

Then we saw turkeys!

Ben had a hard time walking so much, but he was a trooper. I only carried him about half the time. When he got bored, he'd stop and play in the mud.

Ducks

Then we went to look for pumpkins.

The farmer said the kids could have any pumpkin they could carry. They couldn't manage this one.

So Hannah picked this one. I know she looks miserable in this picture, but she was actually really happy about her pumpkin. When we got home, I asked her if she wanted to decorate it or eat it. She chose eat it, so we're still trying to decide on what to put it in.

This is all the food we got, brought home and washed.

She ate an apple first thing when she got home. It was one good apple!

Side note: In baby-related news, I'm pretty sure my water broke this morning. I'll keep you updated.

We went to the zoo with Grandpa

The children were nearly eaten by sharks.

These deer weren't afraid of us at all. Ben was so good to stay on this side of the fence and watch.

They both really liked playing on this spinney thing separately, but did not enjoy it together.

Dates

What an emotional rollercoaster this pregnancy has been! For anyone who is confused about my due dates, let me say, I'm confused too! So I'm going to give the timeline of my changing dates for anyone who would like clarification.

February - Positive pregnancy test! As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I did what I've done with all my pregnancies and looked on my calendar to see when the first day of my last period was (January 27th). I then counted forward 40 weeks giving me a due date of November 3, 2011. When I went to the midwife for the first time, she asked the date of my last period and using her very sophisticated date wheel, confirmed that date.

This pregnancy was strange from the very beginning because I got my positive pregnancy test when I was only about 3 weeks along. The test had a very dark line. With my other 3 pregnancies, I got a faint line at about 5 or 6 weeks that got darker when I retested a couple of weeks later. I thought it was weird that I could have that many hormones in my system that early to give such a dark line. I was also sick already at 3 weeks, which didn't start until 7 or 8 weeks with my other pregnancies.

April - I kept telling Devan that I felt more pregnant than I should be. On Hannah's 3rd birthday, people kept telling me that I was starting to show. This was really depressing because at the time, the baby should have only been about an inch long.

May-June- I got busy and didn't schedule any prenatal visits. Baby was moving around a ton and I was already getting some pretty painful kicks. Again, I thought that was odd for only being 4 or 5 months along. I went to a fetal imaging studio at the mall and found out we were having a boy. And he confirmed that it was just one baby. Up until this point I'd secretly thought it might be twins because I was feeling so much movement and I was so big.

July - I finally went back to the midwife. When she measured my belly, I was measuring at 29 cm, instead of around 21 cm. She ordered an ultrasound, which revealed that I was actually 27 weeks pregnant instead of the 23 weeks I thought I was. That ultrasound gave me a due date of October 8th. Everyone was quick to tell me, however, that ultrasounds after 20 weeks aren't very accurate in determining dates and can be off by a couple of weeks in any direction. I assumed that the period I thought I'd had in January must have just been some pregnancy bleeding. It made perfect sense that I'd be a month farther along than I thought since I'd felt big the whole pregnancy. I remembered the date of my last period before January and that gave me a due date of October 1st.

August - I moved to Washington and started seeing my midwife, Charlene. I told her about how my dates had changed and she was a little concerned at the accuracy of an ultrasound that late. I told her the date of my last period in December and we decided to go with the October 1st due date rather than the October 8th. It seemed the most accurate considering how late the ultrasound was. And with the move, I was having tons of contractions and I was sure I wasn't going to even make it until October 1st. I was so afraid that baby would come a little early and I'd end up having to go to the hospital so I wanted to make sure we were going by the earlier due date.

October - October 1st came and went with no baby. October 8th came and went with no baby. Charlene started to get really concerned and we did everything we could think of to get baby out before October 15th when I'd be too overdue to deliver at home. She decided to have me go in for another ultrasound just to see if my dates may be off. I was sure they weren't wrong because I'd been measuring at full term for 3 weeks before I even hit my due date.

I went in today for the ultrasound. They wouldn't tell me anything while I was there so I had to go home and wait for 2 hours for Charlene to get the results and call me. The first thing she told me was that the baby had scored an 8 out of 8 on his biophysical profile, which means he's perfectly healthy. This was such great news because it meant that even if I was more than 2 weeks overdue, I wasn't going to let anyone talk me into an induction when my baby was perfectly healthy inside me.

Then she said that they'd estimated his weight. Before she told me the weight she said, "Now, they're off 90% percent of the time on this, and I don't think this is really your baby's weight, but they say he's about 8 and a half pounds right now." Huge baby! Ben was 8 pounds 5 ounces so I'm not at all afraid of delivering a baby over 8 pounds.

Then she told me the news that 3 weeks ago would have made me cry, but today made me so happy. She said this ultrasound determined the gestational age of my baby to be 39 weeks 2 days, rather than the 41 weeks 5 days I thought I was. So, she said based on this new information, we can change my due date to October 19th and I will still be able to deliver at home up until 2 weeks past that date.

A few weeks ago I was so ready to be done being pregnant. I was so sure that it was going to happen any day. Then as I got farther and farther past my due date I got more and more scared of an induction and being pregnant for a few more weeks doesn't seem like a big deal at all. Having had one induction, I can honestly say I would rather go overdue than be induced.

This morning before I left for the ultrasound I prayed for a miracle and I feel like I got one. October 19th doesn't make any sense for a due date based on either of my last periods. And that they classified me as not even being at my due date yet while at the same time telling me I have an 8 pound baby is kind of incredible, but I'm so grateful. I've been praying so hard that everything would work out so I wouldn't end up in the hospital. This morning it seemed like there was no chance of that. I felt like I'd been abandoned. I still don't understand why this baby had such a strange growth pattern, but I'm so grateful that he's healthy and that I was given more time to have the birth that I want.

So...we can relax a little, but only a little. Baby should still be coming any day now. It may be another 3 weeks still, or it could be tomorrow. I'm hoping for tomorrow.

Five Mondays

That's right, this is the 5th Monday that this baby has technically been "full term." 5 weekends have come and gone with my husband home with my baby refuses to come when it's convenient. I'm starting to panic. I've got until Saturday to get this baby out, or I'll be two weeks overdue and not eligable for a home birth. Then I'm afraid if I go much past Saturday, someone will recommend a pitocin induction, which for me would be one of the worst ways this pregnancy could end. So, last night before I went to bed I decided I was going to try really hard today to get this baby out.

This morning I got the kids dressed and as soon as they woke up and we went to the vitamin store for some black and blue cohosh. They're herbs that are supposed to be able to help induce labor. A few minutes after I took the first dose, I started feeling a little more crampy than usual. Then I called my midwife and a few hours later I headed to her house to get my membranes stripped. While I was there, she recommended an acupuncturist that she said has successfully started labor in quite a few of her patients. So, we stopped for lunch and then headed to the accupuncturist. I was so lucky that my aunt Renee was able to come with us because the kids were everywhere and I never would have been able to control them alone through all that.

I'm hoping that everything I did today will help this baby come out. I know that the ultimate objective is a healthy baby, but a birth is a big deal and I would like to be able to have it turn out the way I'm hoping.

In Search of a Chinchilla

Let me lay it all out there from the beginning. We took a trip to two pet stores the other evening. I wanted to buy a fish so I could write a post about it called, "Our New Addition." Devan said no, and here we are.

Hannah's been watching a lot of Dora and Diego lately. She's been talking about animals that eat leaves, like the chinchilla, and she's been super into salads because then she's eating leaves like the chinchillas. Seriously, she's been eating like 2 salads a day. It's great. So Monday night I told Devan we should go to the pet store and try to find a chinchilla.

We started out at PetSmart, but it was really lame. All they had were fish and a few birds and rodents. No chinchillas at all. So, we looked at some fish, and Ben chased a couple of dogs that were there shopping and then we went to a real pet store.

There's this little exotic animal pet store that I discovered when Hannah was about Ben's age. We hadn't been in a couple of years, but it's so cool. Hannah found her chinchilla and she recognized it right away.

Ben met bunnies that were bigger than him.

When we came here when Hannah was one, she tried to grab this duck and it pooped on the floor. This time we had no such incident.  

The store also has a free-roaming chicken and a few cats. We saw exotic fish and snakes and lizards and spider. We saw about 12 little puppies and I wanted to buy them all. Luckily they each cost more than my rent, so I was restrained. We had so much fun. Ben and Hannah got so excited, more than they do at the zoo. Why do I ever spend money on them? 

Two Silly Monkeys

We have this walker. Devan hates it. I like it, but only because there's a 1 or 2 month window when my babies really like it. The rest of the time it gets tripped over and climbed in by kids that are too big. Then they cry when they can't get back out. Both the kids are too big to be playing in it and I spend my life trying to chase them out of it. The best is when they get in it together and then get stuck.

I think this actually really hurts them and it's really hard to get them out. Devan laughed and took pictures and I stood by wringing my hands. Then he pushed from the bottom and I pulled from the top and we got them unstuck. Somehow, they still love him the best.

Just Waiting

I'm now 3 days past one estimated due date (have to keep reminding myself of the estimated part) and I have the due date the third trimester ultrasound gave me coming up in 4 days. I'm feeling much better than I did a few days ago.

This morning I went through the baby clothes while Hannah was at school. I'd never even boxed up the newborn clothes since I got pregnant when Ben was still so little so they've been sitting in a drawer waiting for Joshua for 9 months now. Even though I knew they were all there and waiting for him, I pulled them out and looked at them and refolded them. I can't believe he'll be that tiny. I can't believe Ben was that tiny 14 months ago.

I got so excited to hold my baby. And then came peace. Finally. He will come when the time is right.

I've been spending so much time afraid of what is going to happen when I go into labor. I sleep fitfully every night hoping each contraction is a "real" one because I'm so afraid that I'll go into labor when I'm home alone with the kids. I've been upset at the last 4 weekends that have come and gone with no baby. Devan is only going to be able to take 2 or 3 days off work, so I keep hoping that the baby will come on a Thursday or Friday so I can have him home longer while I recover. I've been wearing myself out trying to keep the house looking good for company so that when the midwife comes, I won't be have to be embarassed over the crackers on the carpet and the little girl panties in the bathroom. I've convinced myself that while I'm in labor nothing will irritate me more than having a stack of papers to file on my desk.

I've been so anxious and so fearful about everything. But I don't need to be. Why do I put this kind of pressure on myself and my little baby? Everything will work out the way it needs to. We will have a baby and he will be beautiful and he will be ours forever. It doesn't matter if it happens tomorrow or in 2 weeks. It will happen when it's meant to happen. It makes me happy to finally believe that.

Hair

Soon after I had both my babies, I chopped my hair off. With Hannah it was 6 weeks later, with Ben it was about 4 days later. I don't know if it's that I can't stand taking care of it anymore, or if I just want so badly to shed all my extra weight that I take it out of my hair and wish that it was coming from my bread-dough stomach.

I have no baby yet and no time or desire to find a babysitter so I can go to a salon, so my hair remains long and damaged. But a few nights ago I was looking at Hannah and realizing her hair was getting mullet-ish again and the short-hair urge struck.

So I took her in the bathroom, hosed down her hair...

And just started chopping...

It ended up a little uneven and it's never been that short before, but we like it.

And here's to hoping that Mom gets that crazy look out of her eyes soon...